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Paradox Love 2023

Every year, the official Paradox Live April Fools joke is that the series is launching "Paradox Love", an otome-focused romance game. In 2023, the theme was that it was a school life based dating game.
I got asked if I would translate all of the material from it. I thought it would be funny to do so. Here you go.

Please note that translations may be a little incomplete because I have to rely on archived versions of the site for some things!

Story

One of the largest schools in all of Japan: Paralove Academy

Immediately upon your transfer into the school...

Story-1
Yeon Hajun
"Shall I educate you so that you are a bit more worthy of attending this school?"
Story-2
Natsume Ryu
"Might you be the one who wants to play yakisoba-bread with me behind the cafeteria?"
Story-3
Masaki Hokusai
"I feel like I want to chase after you... maybe it's because you resemble a cat...?"
Story-5
Hikage Toma
"Isn't it dangerous for you to be walking around alone in a place like this? Let's blow this pop stand together~"

And encounters with the teachers!?!

Story-4
Shingu Haruomi
"I wonder why it is that when I'm with you I feel like I'm all off-kilter..."
Story-6
Inukai Yuto
"You're late on your first day after transferring... could it be you actually want to be punished?"
Story-7
Baek Chungsung
"Please, by all means, feel free to punish me as your humble servant using this canvas."

Game

Your heart-throbbing school life story unfolds at the academy ♡

Game-1
Itsuki
"Sine, cosine, tangent... math is truly beautiful. Solving math problems brings peace to my heart."
Game-2
Ito Satsuki
"S-step off! I've definitely talked to a girl at least once or twice...!"
Game-3
Yatonokami Kanata
"... 'walk home together'? Hell no. Don't follow me."
Game-4
Kaida Shion
"How about instead of going back to class, you stay here with me and we have a little fun? ... no?"

It will take more than skill to capture their hearts!

Phone Call Feature

Major update: new calling function!


You might receive a phone call from the characters!
A tender moment that falls outside of the confines of the school!

[sfx: ringing]
Allen: A-- hello? Is now a good time? ... oh, that's good. Thanks for hanging out with me at the record shop on our way home today. It's been a long time since I was able to get that excited talking about musical artists, you know? Sorry I kind of dominated the conversation. ... but if you're okay with it, then maybe we could do it again sometime...? ... really!? Thank you, for real! Yeah! ... well. I'll see you at school tomorrow. Have a good night.

Twitter Share Campaign

With whom will you build your heart-pounding youthful vibes!?

Allen
Sugasano Allen
2nd year | Advanced Course | Hiphop club president
Whenever I see you, the vibes inside of me are hard to control...!

President of the hiphop club who aims to make the club take the top before he graduates

Hajun
Yeon Hajun
2nd year | Advanced Course | High school student council president
You sure are a lucky transfer student, to have the honor of having me show you around campus.

The smiling assassin who runs the school as if it were his own castle

Anne
Anne Faulkner
2nd year | Advanced Course | Tailoring club president
Thanks for lending me your lipstick~! It was a huge help! Let me get you something as thanks!

An overwhelmingly popular influencer

Saimon
Saimon Naoakira
Staff | Japanese language teacher
Well... shall we depart on our infinite journey to read in between the lines?

A keeper of time whose beautiful voice has lured thousands of students into the land of dreams

Yohei
Kanbayashi Yohei
Staff | Head custodian
School's already been let out. Lemme at least walk you to the gates.

The school's highly-competent guardian, who keeps his alcohol and cigarettes safe at home

Ryu
Natsume Ryu
Alumnus
If I'd be the gradiated cylinder, then you'd be the triangular ruler, 'kay?

A prime example of a person who's supposed to have already graduated, but still shows up on campus every day

Shiki
Ando Shiki
1st Year | Advanced Course | Soccer club member
I bumped into you this morning, didn't I...? What was with the white bread in your mouth...?

A boy in fine health who is so serious it almost makes him a little scary

Kanata
Yatonokami Kanata
1st Year | General Course | Go-home "club"[1] president
What are you laughing at? I ain't got any more time to slack off this month.

A devilish risk-taker who only shows for only exactly as many days as he has to be there to not flunk, and no more

Nayuta
Yatonokami Nayuta
1st Year | General Course | Go-home "club" vice president
Hey. Get lost. The rooftop is my special place.

The most powerful S-Rank Slacker in school history

Iori
Suiseki Iori
Staff | Math teacher
Y'already solved this question? Nice, nice, 'yer a real bright kid.

A demon at mental math who drills both a reckless spirit and a sense for financial accounting into the heads of his students

Zen
Gaho Zen
Staff | Physical Education teacher
Sweat, tears, and friendship! Those are the big three things that filling your life with is what youth is all about!

A big boaster with the bulkiest biceps in the entire school

Hokusai
Masaki Hokusai
3rd Year | General Course | Takes care of animals on campus
Huh, that's weird. Usually these little guys don't approach other people...

A gentle giant who prefers to spend time with the cats in the courtyard rather than attend class

Satsuki
Ito Satsuki
1st Year | General Course | Basketball club member
D-don't talk to me in a place like this! What if someone sees!?

An elite yankee delinquent who has accomplished the impressive feat of failing every single subject

Reo
Maruyama Reo
1st Year | General Course | Brass band club member
Senpai~! Would it be alright if we walked home together~?

A crafty little devil who's earned the nickname "Senpai-Killer"

Chisei
Kuzuryu Chisei
Staff | Academy chairman
Wanna take a shot at loving a legend?

The original and still the best, an overwhelmingly irrational chairman who delights in making others clean up after his antics

Haruomi
Shingu Haruomi
Staff | Academy principal
... it's time for the school assembly.

The charismatic principal who runs the school together with the chairman.

Shogo
Yamato Shogo
3rd Year | General Course | Astronomy club president
Here, have a beef-and-peppers flavored gummi as a token to mark our getting closer!

A serious but somewhat airheaded young man who loves the stars (read: Stellas) and gummies

Toma
Hikage Toma
3rd Year | General Course | Light music club member
Let's get hyped about our youth together! It's SHOWTIME!

A real party-person ambassador for love, peace, and beauty advice

Aoi
Kureha Aoi
1st Year | General Course | Drama club member
Here's looking at you, my dear. So you should look only at me, too, okay, kitten-chan?

The drama club's cool-beauty of a prince

Kantaro
Misuji Kantaro
2nd Year | General Course | Handicraft club member
Hey, check this out! The first picture we took together is getting soo~ many likes! ♡

A puppy-dog-eyes-type young man who prioritizes looking good on SNS

Dongha
Yeon Dongha
Junior High Advanced Course | Junior high student council president
Hm... even though you're a lowly worm, it seems like there's something about you worth keeping an eye on.

A little emperor who rules with an iron fist over the middle school class

Chungsung
Baek Chungsung
Staff | Art teacher
Please, by all means, call my lowly unworthy self a filthy pig.

A super-masochistic eagerly awaiting punishment by his master

Kei
Miyama Kei
3rd Year | Advanced Course | Go-home "club" member
Perhaps it was fate ordained by god that you and I should meet.

A mysterious and beautiful young man who spends a great amount of time in the nurse's office

Itsuki
Itsuki
2nd Year | Advanced Course | Library student committee member
... this book is 2 days, 6 hours, and 18 seconds overdue.

An enthusiast for efficiency and precision without equal

Rokuta
Rokuta
1st Year | General Course | Culinary study group member
You kinda resemble karaage, don't you? It's making me really hungry~!

A boy who is like an over-large puppy, who strikes fear into the hearts of the people running the student store

Yuto
Inukai Yuto
Staff | Serves double duty as civics teacher and student counselor
You're interested in me...? You're an unusual person, aren't you?

A hard-working grade leader who conceals a secret duality

Ryoga
Tosa Ryoga
3rd Year | General Course | Go-home "club"
D-don't tell anyone... that you saw me taking care of a stray dog here.

Uncontrollable mad-dog bancho

Shion
Kaida Shion
Staff | School doctor
Ohh, did you come to see me? Well, I don't want to send you back just yet~

The naughty school doctor who entices men and women of all ages

Kenta
Mikoshiba Kenta
Junior High Advanced Course | Computer club member
Hey, do you play FPSes? You don't? Well, whatever.

✝Judge, jury, and executioner of doomsday✝ who invites you deeper into the darkness

[1] Being a member of the "go-home club" is a common Japanese trope; it's a facetious way to refer to someone who doesn't belong to any clubs, because after school, when other students are doing club activities, they're going home.