Included as a blu-ray bonus for the Paradox Live anime was a CD of bonus voice dramas set after the end of the anime (or roughly around the time of the LIVE dramas, but the anime went off the rails). You'll find translations of these dramas below!
Note that because the anime and the core canon are not fully compatible with each other, I consider these to be pseudocanonical at best. However, I don't personally think anything in these explicitly contradicts the main dramas, so take these as being as canonical as you want them to be.
Huge shoutout to Diz for giving me the rips!
BAE
[sfx: Hajun coughing, thermometer beep] [sfx: Hajun sighing] Hajun: 37.6°[1]... It seems to have come down a little. [sighs] Who even am I, catching a cold like this? I need to get enough sleep so I can make a full recovery quickly.
[sfx: Hajun rolling over, then knocking, then a door opening] Allen: Hajun? How are you doing?
Hajun: --! [inhale] I'm fine. No need to fuss.
Allen: I'm not fussing, it's just that I already told you you don't need to hide away from us, right?
Hajun: ...
Allen: Has your fever come down yet?
Hajun: It's still lingering. So-- [coughing] You can feel free to stop checking in every thirty minutes.
Allen: ...
Hajun: It's hard to sleep like this, you know. You keep waking me up, so I'm not able to get any rest even when I'm able to doze off.
Allen: Ah, sorry... I'm just worried.
Hajun: If you're so worried, then let me sleep.
Allen: You're not pulling your punches, huh?
Anne: Hajun? You up?
Hajun: Anne? You, too?
Anne: You hungry? I've got some okayu here that I made for you.
[sfx: setting dish down] Hajun:You--? [coughing] Allen: -- made this??
Anne: Watch it. Why do you look so shocked? Even I know how to make okayu. Even if this is the first time I've ever done it.
Allen: ...
Anne:[giggles] I've always wanted to try doing something like this. Anyway, if you have to take medicine, it's probably better to eat something with it.
Hajun: I suppose that's true.
Anne: Here, before it gets cold. Eat up.
Hajun: ... but I should ask.
Anne: Hm?
Hajun: Why is the okayu green? Because it's not just a little greenish. It's really green.
Anne: Oh, you noticed? It gives it a real vitamin drink-y feel, right? I added sdome vegetable juice to make it more nutritious.
Allen: The food you make is always really colorful, isn't it, Anne?
Anne: Even if I'm making food, I'm going to make it cute and fabulous, you know?
Allen: That's riiiiight, ahaha.... [aside] But what about the taste?
Anne: I just want you to get better quickly, Hajun.
Hajun: ... ... thank you for the food.
Allen: Hajun? [sotto voce] You don't have to eat it, you know.
Hajun:[blowing on food, eating a mouthful] --!!
Allen: Hajun?? Are you okay??
Hajun:[sounding a little strained] It tastes fine.
Allen: Eh?
Anne: I'm so glad~!
Allen: You're sure? You're not just delirious with fever, are you?
Hajun: No. It just tastes fine.
Allen: It's a miracle... maybe I should look outside and make sure pigs aren't flying...?
Anne: Watch it, Allen. What do you mean by that.
Allen: Ah, uh, I just, ah, eheheh...
Anne: Once you're done eating, you can just leave the dishes next to your bed. Take your medicine and get some sleep.
Hajun: Yes. Thank you very much, Anne.
Anne: Well! I've gotta run to work. You, too, Allen.
Allen: Ah, yeah.
Anne: Take care.
Allen: Get some good sleep.
[sfx: Footsteps, door creaking open and shut as Allen and Anne leave] Hajun: ... even so, it's a surprise. [taking a bite] It's not particularly delicious, but it's perfectly edible. It's hard to believe [cough] that such a miracle could occur.
[sfx: knocking, door opening] Allen: Hajun? You getting some sleep?
Hajun: ... well, I was until you woke me up just now.
Allen: --!
Hajun: So, what is it this time? I still have a fever.
Allen: Ah, yeah... right. Well, I wanted to know if I could get you anything? When you've got a fever, sometimes you want something cold, so if you wanted ice cream or pudding or yogurt... I bought a bunch! Oh, I've also got bananas and sports drinks and nutritional jellies too!
Hajun: Hm. What I really want is to sleep without being interrupted by anyone.
Allen: ...
Hajun: So if you don't mind, please go away, before you catch what I've got.
Allen: ...
Hajun: What is it?
Allen: Nothing... [crosses over to Hajun, sits down on the foot of Hajun's bed] but, hey.
Hajun: What is it that you need to come over here? [coughs] You're very close.
Allen: Hajun, are you really sure you're not overexerting yourself?
Hajun: Hah? Of course I'm not.
Allen: And you're absolutely sure you're not lying to us.
Hajun: I'm not lying. There's no need for that anymore.
Allen: ... alright then. [gets up, picks up dishes] You ate all of the okayu, then? I'll put these dishes away.
Hajun: --!
Allen: Alright! I won't bother you again. Get some rest. Good night, Hajun.
[sfx: footsteps, door opening and closing] Hajun: Seriously... what kind of person does something like that?
[sfx: ticking] Hajun:[coughing] Ah... it's 1 AM. Guess I was able to sleep for a bit. [shifting around] ... seems like my fever has gone down a bit as well. But it's still not entirely gone. [standing up] It might be good to have something like ice cream or a jelly. [laughs] How every thoughtful of Allen.
[sfx: Hajun leaving his room] Anne: ... Allen! Stop looking at the clock.
Allen: Mm.
Anne: Just let him get some sleep.
Allen: But he hasn't left his room at all...!
Anne: That's probably because he's sleeping. Allen: Yeah, but...
Anne: I get being worried, but he's not a little kid.
Allen: Mm...
Anne: Hajun said he was fine, right?
Allen: Mm.
Anne: So, we should believe him. That's what being friends means.
Allen: I do believe him! It's just, I'm worried because of what happened.
Anne: ...
Allen: He said that his constitution was really strong before using the metal, but who knows what might happen?
Anne: I don't think anything will happen.
Allen: Anne...
Anne: The metal erosion is dependent on our state of mind. Hajun's been different ever since the end of the Paradox Live. So I'm sure he'll be fine.
Allen: Mm...
Anne: So don't make that face! And, if anything happens, we can just dive again and fix it again. Even if Hajun complains about it, we'll do it as many times as it takes, right?
Allen: I... guess, yeah. ... but I wonder if Hajun might be hungry? The only thing he had for dinner was that okayu, so maybe we ought to bring him something--
Anne:[laughing] Denied! We've got to let him sleep. If you keep on bugging him, he's just gonna get annoyed. You should get some sleep, too, Allen.
Allen: Mmmmmmmmmmmm...
Hajun: Seriously... [walking away] I'll try coming back out again after Allen goes to bed. [chuckles] It'd be a pain otherwise.
[sfx: Hajun's door opening and closing] Hajun: I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. I won't be consumed by the metal again. Because the two of you are there.
[sfx: knocking, door opening] Hajun: Good morning, Allen.
Anne: How are you feeling?
Allen:[groaning] Hajun: So, it seems you have a fever! Anne told me.
Allen:[coughing] Hajun, are you...?
Hajun: I'm feeling much better now, all thanks to you! It turns out that that old wives' tale about curing an illness by giving it to someone else is true after all.
Allen: Seems so... guess that's fine, then...
Hajun: Oh, my, my. You look terrible. I suppose that I'll need to take responsibility for this.
Allen: Uh, no, you don't need to--!
Hajun: And so, today, I will give my all into taking care of you with my whole heart and soul.
Allen: You're making a really scary face...!
Anne:[insincerely] Aaah, I'm jealous, I wish Hajun would take care of me~.
Allen:[sobbing] Anne...!!
Anne: Well! I've gotta run to school! See you guys later!
[sfx: Anne leaving] Allen: Wait--! ... ... uh... ... uh, that's right! Hajun, you've got class today too, right? You probably shouldn't skip, right?
Hajun: I just recovered from an illness, myself, so I'll be taking the day off as well. I'll be borrowing notes from Anne, and it's not going to affect my grades if I miss a class just once.
Allen: Eh...
Hajun: So please, by all means, prepare yourself, Allen.
Allen: Eh?
Hajun: I'll be back in thirty minutes to check up on you again.
[sfx: Hajun leaving] Allen: Ah--! [scrambling] Wait, no, it's not that bad, I-- [coughing violently] Hajun: Oh, yes, that's right! I should make breakfast! There's this popular variant on oyaku I've been hearing about lately that contains all kinds of herbal medicine. However... [laughs] I hear it tastes atrocious.
Allen:[shuddering] Hajun: Well, then, I hope you have a wonderful rest, A~llen~.
Allen: Shouldn't you give it a rest!?!
[sfx: door closing]
[1] Equivalent to ~99.7° F
The Cat's Whiskers
[translator's note: This one does contain some unfortunate stereotypes about tribal religious practices.]
[sfx: sweeping] Yohei: Saimon. I'm done with sweeping the floor.
Saimon: Good work. I'm done over here as well. I'll make some coffee.
Yohei: Yeah. Much obliged. ... what's with Ryu? He still ain't back? How long can it take to go on one little shopping trip?
Saimon: Isn't that always the case?
Yohei: All I'm sayin' is that I feel bad for Shiki always having to get dragged around based on his every little whim.
Saimon: So why don't you accompany him instead, Yohei?
Yohei: Absolutely not, that sounds like a serious pain in the ass.
Saimon:[laughs] I'm sure they're fine. There's no need to worry. I'm sure that any second--
[sfx: door opening, bell ringing] Ryu: WE'RE BA~CK! Ryu-kun has arrived at your fine establishment!
[sfx: Ryu running in] Shiki: I'm very sorry that we're late getting back.
Yohei: Y'er fine, you probably got dragged all over because he saw another cat or something like that, right?
Shiki: Um, no...
Ryu: BZZZZT! Master is incorrect! What Ryu-kun found today is... NOT a kittycat!
Yohei: Then what? Out with...
[sfx: something being pulled out of a bag] Yohei: ... it? The hell is that?
Ryu: Mmmmhohohoohoo! [high pitched voice] It's a free cute little fairy figure!!
Yohei: That don't look like no fairy I've ever seen. Where the hell did you find this?
Shiki: He found it in someone's garbage... I told him not to take it, but...
Saimon: ... [laughs] But he couldn't help but take it in, I suppose?
Yohei: This ain't no time to laugh, Saimon. Who exactly do you think he's getting this "taking in" bit from, huh?
Saimon: Ah, well... [chuckles apologetically] Hmm...
[sfx: cup being set down on table] Saimon: Well, then, shall we have some coffee?
Ryu: Whoo!!! Thank you very much, Boss!
Shiki: Thank you very much.
Yohei: Hey, hold up, why is everyone so laid back about this?
Saimon: Hm?
Yohei: What good is it gonna do us to keep adding more of this crap all around the store? Recently he brought in that stupid figure of an old man, calling it a "curry fairy", remember?
Ryu: Boss... 🥺
Saimon: Ah, well... I think it's fine if Ryu just puts it in his room...
Yohei: Shiki's gonna have to be the one to deal with it, then.
Shiki: Ah, no, I don't mind...
Yohei: What exactly is so great about this so-called cute little fairy figure? It's way bigger than it needs to be, and I don't like the look of it. Doesn't something about it give the rest of you the creeps?
Saimon: Hm... it's a hand-carved wooden figure, around 30 centimeters in size, with an elongated face, with exaggerated eyes and mouth to match... it kind of looks like it draws on traditional African sculpture.
Yohei: So in short, you're saying it's from Africa.
Saimon: Well, in terms of style, it looks the part. But I can understand finding it a little bit unsettling at first glance.
Ryu: Master just doesn't understand the charms of Benbero Banjaka-kun!
Yohei: Eh? Benbero what now?
Ryu: Benbero Banjaka-kun!
Shiki: I think that's its name? He named it himself.
Saimon and Yohei:[loud sigh] Yohei: So that's the level of make-believe we're dealing with.
Ryu: It's not make-believe! Ryu-kun felt the divine universal life vibrations from him! HE IS ALIIIIVE!
Yohei: If you say so.
Saimon: "Benbero Banjaka"? No, where did you get that name from?
Yohei: Seriously? How are you saying that right on the first try?
Saimon: It came up once when I was having a discussion with a professor of cultural studies. May I let him know about this and send him a picture?
Ryu: Show him off, show him off!
Saimon:[on phone] Yes, it's the wooden figure I sent you a picture of. ... Ah, yes. It seems to have the same name as the one you mentioned to me a little while ago. ... huh? It's genuine? That's... ... huh? Yes, I'm holding it right now... --!? That's... a... ah... yes. As soon as possible, please.
[sfx: tapping phone] Saimon: How could something like this...!
Yohei: What could've happened to get you looking like that? It's just a wooden doll after all, right?
Saimon: It's nothing so simple as that.
Yohei: Eh?
Saimon: This wooden figure is, apparently, an artifact of an ethnic group that no longer exists. It appears to depict a god that was revered by the Benbero people.
Yohei: ... eh? A god?
Saimon: Yes. If you treat it with respect, it's said to bring happiness and wealth to your household.
Shiki: So it's something like a god of fortune?
Saimon: No. In fact, it's more like a god of curses.
Ryu: "God of curses"?
Saimon: It's a god that bestows wealth and happiness, but only for a great price. So it is absolutely imperative to treat it with the utmost respect.
Yohei: So what're we supposed to do about it?
Saimon: That's...
[sfx: phone buzzing] Saimon: What a relief. It seems that he was able to send me the paper I requested access to.
[sfx: phone tapping] Saimon: According to this...
[sfx: phone tapping] Saimon: Mm... in order to satisfy this god, it demands sacrifice.
Shiki: S-sacrifice?
Saimon: A ritual is held on the night of the full moon, offering up the blood of a living thing... and praying to it daily is also important.
Yohei: Hah? What's with that?
Saimon: If either of these things are neglected, then a terrible fate will befall the household.
Ryu: Hmm? "A terrible fate"?
Saimon: Disease and injury, fire and flooding, or any other variety of misfortune may strike... [sigh] Yohei: Seems like quite a great god, huh.
Saimon: No, the Benbero people themselves despised this god. The destruction it wrought... they would never call it a great god.
Ryu: What do we doooo!? Ryu-kun didn't know that Benbero Banjaka-kun was such a scary god!!
Yohei: Well, who gives a fuck? Just go chuck it back in the garbage where you found it and it's problem solved.
Ryu: AYE-AYE, SIR!
[sfx: door opening] Shiki:[sounding somewhat distant] You can't do that.
Ryu: EH!?
Shiki:[distant] It's already too late. You fools are not the ones who invited me into your home; I already made the decision to take up residence here.
Yohei: Huh? Shiki? The heck are you on about?
Shiki (Benbero Banjaka): Silence!
Ryu, Yohei, Saimon: --!
Ryu: Shi-- Shikki???
[sfx: footsteps] Shiki (Benbero Banjaka):[going full-on chuunibyou voice] I am Benbero Banjaka, the god of misfortune!
Ryu, Yohei, Saimon: --!
Shiki (Benbero Banjaka): Now! Worship me and I will bestow wealth and happiness upon you! If you refuse me, you know what will happen, do you not? All of you will fall into the inescapable abyss of misery!
Yohei: Oi, Shiki, snap out of it! Shiki!
Shiki (Benbero Banjaka):[maniacal laughter, dramatic reverb] Ryu: Shikkiiiiii!! Waaaah!! Shikki's gone crazyyyyyyy!!!
Shiki (Benbero Banjaka):[maniacal laughter, dramatic reverb] Saimon: How could this have happened...
[Overlapping: Yohei trying to snap Shiki out of it, Saimon mumbling to himself, Ryu wailing, Shiki repeating 'beroberoberoberobero' and laughing maniacally, fading out]
Saimon: Yohei. Yohei.
Yohei:[grunting, shifting] ...!
Saimon: If you fall asleep in a place like this, you're sure to catch a cold.
Yohei: ... ... some kinda dream? Goddammit.
Saimon:[chuckles] Oh, my. Well, I hope it was a good dream?
Yohei:[extremely beleaguered sigh] I fuckin' wish.
[sfx: door opening, bell ringing] Ryu: WE'RE BA~CK! Ryu-kun has arrived at your fine establishme--
Yohei: --! Stop right there!!
Ryu: Eh?
Yohei: Ryu, take that foot you've got in the air and take one step back. Don't come a single inch into the store.
Ryu: Like this...?
Yohei: Now keep backing up!
Ryu: Whyzzat?
Yohei: Just do as you're told!
Ryu: Hm??? Master's being weird. You're making a scaaary face.
Shiki: Ryu-kun, I don't know what's going on, but maybe you should do as you're told?
Ryu: Hrmrmmmmm..... about FACE. There. Is that good?
Yohei: Now put that Benbenberon Banjaka thing back where you found it!
Ryu: Huh? How'd you know its name, Maste--
Yohei: Don't ask questions! Get rid of it right now!
Ryu: Ehhh!?
Yohei: Either it goes into the trash, or you do!
Shiki: Um...
Yohei: Ah, Shiki! Don't touch that statue for even a second! Make sure that as soon as Ryu's gotten rid of that thing, come right back here! The both of you! Hop to it!
Shiki: Y-yes...
Yohei: Go on, get rid of it!!
Shiki: ... um, well, Ryu-kun, shall we?
Ryu: Uuu... and after I had JUST found him...
Shiki: I told you you shouldn't have taken it...
Yohei: Get rid of it, now! That's an order!!
[sfx: door opening and closing, bell ringing] Ryu:[distantly] What's he so mad about?
Saimon: What on earth is the matter, Yohei?
Yohei: Didn't you see that weird statue thing that Ryu was carrying?
Saimon: Ah... yes. I assume he just found something strange again.
Yohei: Give me props, Saimon.
Saimon: Hm?
Yohei: I've saved this bar yet again.
Saimon: Yohei...?
cozmez
[sfx: passing train] Kanata: First, gotta put down some newspaper...
[sfx: Footsteps, newspaper rustling] Kanata: And then the chair on top of that.
[sfx: Chair being moved] Kanata: Alright, sit down.
Nayuta: Gotcha. [takes a seat] [sfx: testing out scissors] Kanata: Well, time for a haircut?
Nayuta: Mm. Let's do it.
Kanata: It's really shaggy.
Nayuta: No, call it "wild" instead, it sounds cooler.
Kanata: "Wild"? That sounds so stupid.
Nayuta: Well, I can't help it! It's not like they gave me any haircuts while I was there.
Kanata: --!
Nayuta: ... ... Kanata, you don't have to make that face. I got treated perfectly fine, for a given value of it.
Kanata: That's just because...
Nayuta: I mean, yeah, I do think that was because I was a valuable test subject. But! At least I'm back to normal thanks to all of that. In fact, I'd say I'm doing better than I was before, it's a real miracle.
Kanata: ...
Nayuta: C'mon, just get on with it and start cutting. Back to the usual length. I just want to put all of this behind me.
Kanata: ... ... yeah. You're right.
[sfx: scissors] Nayuta: Ah, I really missed the way this feels. It feels best to have you cutting my hair after all, Kanata.
Kanata: That so? I mean, we've got the money now, we could just pay someone to do it properly in a barber shop.
Nayuta: No way. I don't want anyone else touching it. And besides, my hair only looks right when you're the one cutting it, even if you totally butcher it.
Kanata: Oi.
Nayuta:[giggles] I wonder why, since we're twins.
Kanata: What do you mean?
Nayuta: I mean, my hair starts getting really fluffy as soon as it gets even a little bit long. But yours stays really smooth and silky. I wonder what the reason for that is?
Kanata:[laughs] There's not any interesting reason. And didn't you just say it'd be fine even if I butcher it?
Nayuta: I guess you're right.
Kanata: Stop moving your head or I really am gonna screw it up.
Nayuta: Yeah, yeah.
[sfx: scissors] Kanata: ... it really did grow out a lot.
Nayuta: Yup.
Kanata: I wonder why...
Nayuta: Hm?
Kanata: Why it took me so long to notice that I hadn't had to cut your hair in so long.
Nayuta: ... ah.
Kanata: The entire time that I was taking part in the Paradox Live, "Nayuta" hadn't changed at all. So...
Nayuta: Kanata...
Kanata:[voice wavering] It's kinda funny, if you really think about it. Because I used to have to cut it all the time. So for it to be the same for months and then years...
[sfx: passing train] Nayuta: ... [sigh] I think it's fine.
Kanata: Huh?
Nayuta: I think if you'd have noticed, it would have broken you. So I... don't think it's your fault, Kanata. It's not your fault at all. You're the best big brother anyone could ask for. And, the reason I'm here now is all because of you, right?
Kanata: ...
Nayuta: I wanted to sing with you again, Kanata, and you made that wish come true.
Kanata: Nayuta...
Nayuta: Kanata. [turning around] I'm alive, Kanata.
Kanata: ...!
Nayuta: I won't disappear on you again. I'll always be by your side.
Kanata: ... ... ... Face forwards. I can't cut your hair if you're turning to look at me, can I? Stop turning around.
Nayuta: --!
[sfx: scissors] Nayuta: ... so, that's why I want you to always be the one who cuts my hair, Kanata.
Kanata: ... yeah.
Nayuta: Just like we've always done.
Kanata:[voice tight] Yeah.
[sfx: scissors, slowing down, as Kanata tears up and shudders] Nayuta:[shifting] Kanata? Why are you crying?
Kanata: I'm not crying!
Nayuta: But just now--
Kanata: You're imagining things!
Nayuta: Kanata--
Kanata: How many times do I gotta tell you? Keep facing forward!
Nayuta: Hold o--! [getting forced to look forward; sighs] [sfx: scissors] Kanata: I made up my mind... that I... that we're only going to keep looking forward. That you and I are going to aim for the top, just the two of us. I'm not going to be satisfied with just this much. cozmez can go higher. As long as we're together--
Nayuta: We're unbeatable. Right?
Kanata: Right.
[sfx: snip] Kanata: ... ah.
Nayuta: Huh?
[sfx: passing train] Kanata: I cut a bit too much.
Nayuta: Eh??
Kanata: It's fine! Nobody's gonna notice at all.
Nayuta:[disgruntled noise] Kanata: It's not that big a deal, don't look at me like that!
Nayuta: I am definitely going to look in a mirror later.
Kanata: I told you, it's fine! Hey, look, if you just comb this part over it--
Nayuta: Ah, ah!! [disgruntled noise again] Kanata: Hey, hey, you're the one who said I could just do whatever I wanted, right!?
Nayuta: How many centimeters did you cut off.
Kanata: Let's not worry about the details...
Nayuta: ... ... wellp! I've decided.
Kanata: What have you decided?
Nayuta: That now it's my turn to cut your hair. Your bangs are getting a bit long, aren't they?
Kanata: I mean, I guess...
Nayuta: I for one think you'd look good with blunt bangs.
Kanata: What??? Absolutely not, get away from me!
Nayuta: Decision made! [laughs] I think it'd look pretty good on you, don't you agree?
Kanata: I do NOT!
Nayuta: C'mon, hurry up and hand over the scissors.
Kanata: Never!
Nayuta: Oh, whatever am I to do, then~?
Kanata: --!
Nayuta: Hmm...
Kanata and Nayuta: ... ... [laughing]
Akan Yatsura
Iori: Alright! Now that that's done!
Satsuki: What's up, aniki? Why'd you ask us all to gather?
Reo: Is there something important you gotta tell us?
Iori: I suppose you could put it like that. [laughs] To tell you the truth, I was thinkin' about... this! [sfx: something unfurling] Reo and Satsuki: --! That's...!
Hokusai: The Suisekigumi custom sugoroku board?[2] Reo: Yeah, it is! It's been years since we made that.
Zen:[chuckles] We found while cleaning out the closet.
Iori: Real nostalgic, isn't it? Back when the old man was still around, we played it every New Years'.
Reo, Satsuki, Hokusai: ...
Zen: Chin up! Don't look so down!
Iori: It's a bit early to bust it out for New Years', but I figured since we've got it, maybe we oughta give it a go.
Zen: And of course, we'll have a prize for the winner! The first one to reach the goal... will be able to make any request they want. How about that?
Reo: The last time we did this...
Iori: Zen won, yeah?
Zen: Yes! The old man bought me workout equipment!
Satsuki: Alright! Let's do this, aniki!
Reo: I wonder what I'll have them buy for me when I win~?
Hokusai: What should I ask for...?
Zen: Well, then, shall we begin, waka?
Iori: Sure, sure. Can y'all decide who's gonna roll first?
Hokusai: On 'go'.
Akan Yatsura: Rock, paper, scissors, go!
Iori: Ooh, decided all in one go. Ain't that a treat for you, Zen?
Zen: Yes. Well, then, I'm first up!
[sfx: rolling dice] Zen: Hup! ... alright, a five! One, two, three, four, aaaaand five!
Reo: What's this? 'Do ten pushups'?
Iori: That's basically a reward for Zen, isn't it?
Zen: My apologies. Now, if you'll excuse me...! [gets into position to start to do pushups] Iori: Hold up just a moment.
Zen: Yes?
Iori: We gotta make this a bit more interesting. Here, Reo, you sit on Zen's back.
Reo: Huh?
Iori: We ain't got any regular weights. C'mon, hop on!
Reo: I guess... [climbs aboard Zen's back] Is this alright?
Zen: Absolutely. I barely feel anything! You're light as a feather! [doing pushups] One! Two! Three!
Reo: Wah!
Satsuki: Amazing! Way to go, Zen-nii!
Zen: Eeeeight! Nine! Ten! [laughs] All done! You can get down now, Reo.
Reo: Uh, yeah.
Iori: Well, how 'bout that? Seems like that was too easy!
Zen: Haha. Things like this are a piece of cake! Hmm, and getting pumped up makes my muscles feel great too!
Reo: Anyway, since play goes clockwise, that means I'm up next, right~?
[sfx: rolling dice] Reo: That's a four. So, one, two, three, four... ah? What's with this?
Hokusai: What does it say?
Reo:[sounding distinctly disheartened] It says I have to say ten nice things about the person sitting to my left.
Satsuki: The person sitting to your left is ... ... ... me?? Reo: That's totally impossible! He doesn't have ten good qualities! I could easily list off a hundred things that he has wrong with him, though.
Satsuki: Oi--
Reo: Like, for starters, you're stupid, and a monkey, and super quick to violence--
Satsuki:[gritting teeth loudly] Nngngh!!!
Reo: And you spend too long in the bathroom in the morning, and you smell bad, and for all you act like a Yankii you're afraid of ghosts, and you put too much lemon on your karaage--
Satsuki: What's so wrong about that last one!?!
Reo: And then, let's see, what else...
Satsuki: Ain't you supposed to be saying nice things!? That's what's written on the space!
Reo: Hmmm... anyone got any ideas?
Hokusai: Satsuki is very honest. He never says anything that isn't true.
Satsuki: Hokusai...
Hokusai: And he's very kind to people that are weaker than him, and takes care of them. And he always puts all of us before himself.
Iori: Sure enough. There's more where that came from, too. He always keeps any promise he makes, and he's got the courage to try and put himself in another person's shoes.
Zen: And he always cleans his plate at every meal, and gives his all into working out.
Satsuki: Eheheh... I dunno if I'd say all that, but I ain't gonna argue!
Iori: So that makes nine, yeah? Just gotta come up with one more. Reo~? Reo: ... ... [mumbled] I mean, I guess, if I went missing, he'd do whatever it took to find me, no matter how much of a dumbass he had to be to do it.
Satsuki: I mean, that's a given, right? How's that a compliment?
Reo: That's what I'm talking about.
Satsuki: Hah?
Reo: Come on! This is why I keep calling you an idiot!
Satsuki: HAH!?!
Iori, Zen:[chuckling] Hokusai: Next up is your turn, Satsuki.
Satsuki: Oh, right. Well! Here we go! Hup!
[sfx: rolling dice] Satsuki: Only a two? That's lame. One, two... ... "chug 500ml[3] of soda in 10 seconds"...??
Reo: Hah! When you fail we all get to flick you on the forehead!
Satsuki: Hah!?! Who'd fail at something like this!? Stuff like this is my specialty!
Zen: That's the spirit! Here, I've got some cold ones ready for you.
Satsuki: Right on, Zen-nii! Knew I could count on you!
Hokusai: I'll keep track of the time.
Reo: On your mark, get ready... and start!
[sfx: stopwatch beep, Satsuki chugging] Hokusai: One, two, three, four, five...
[sfx: chugging continues, the other members of Akan Yatsura reacting with surprise] Hokusai:... six, seven, eight...
Satsuki:[exclaiming] Hokusai: ... nine, ten.
[sfx: beep] Hokusai: 8.2 seconds.
Zen: You drank it all!
Iori: Hm~. Knew you could do it. But still, you passed with flying colors~!
Satsuki:[coughing] Yeah!
Reo: What a shame, I don't get to flick you on the forehead.
Satsuki: Watch it!
Hokusai: Next up is my turn.
[sfx: rolling dice] Hokusai: Six. ... ah.
Reo: What's up?
Hokusai: "Receive Tickle Hell from the people on either side of you until you're forced to give in".
Reo and Satsuki: Hokusai~~~.
Hokusai: ...!
Satsuki: Let's go!
Reo: Prepare yourself!
[sfx: Reo and Satsuki going "tickletickletickle" for eight seconds] Reo: Time to crank it up!
Satsuki: We're goin' easy on you up to now!
[sfx: Reo and Satsuki intensifying; eventually, Hokusai starts laughing, interspersed with requests to stop, refusal to stop, and the nightmare continuing for about thirty seconds before Hokusai starts trying to get an 'I give in' out] Iori: Looks like you're just about there~.
[sfx: the tickling winds down] Reo: Mission complete!
Satsuki: That didn't take long at all!
Hokusai:[sounds of agony] Iori:[laughs] Don't kill the poor guy.
Zen:[chuckles] Are you alright, Hokusai-kun?
Iori: Alright! Last up is me! I'm feelin' in pretty good spirits 'bout this! Hup!
[sfx: rolling dice] Iori: That's a three. One, two, three... ...!
Satsuki: That's...!
Zen: What is it?
Iori: "Carry the person to your left for three laps around the garden"...
Satsuki: But that's...
Zen: Me, is it not?
[sfx: Iori suffering and struggling to lift Zen] Zen: My apologies, waka...! It would be easier if I lost some weight...
Iori:[laughing, but clearly worn out] What kind of quitter talk is that? Piece... of cake.
Satsuki: Zen-nii's mostly muscle, so he's heavier than he looks.
Zen: "Mostly muscle"...!
Reo: But it was really funny, so lemme snap a pic real quick~
[sfx: camera app] Iori: --! Well, here I... go!
Reo and Satsuki: Good luck have fun~!
[sfx: Iori taking off] Hokusai: ...
Zen: Ahaha! Waka! Wonderfully done! Ahaha! You, too, Waka...! Keep it up! Yahahaha! [fading off into the distance]
Iori: Finally, the goal is within sight. All I gotta do is roll a five here, and I'll be the first across the finish line, and the reward is mine~.
Zen, Hokusai, Satsuki, and Reo: --!
Iori:[building up a roll] Gonna put some spirit into it...!!
[sfx: rolling dice] Iori: Six. So that's one, two, three, four, five, then one back from the goal[4]... ah, lose a turn.
[sfx: ding] Zen: My turn, then! Here we... go! [sfx: rolling dice] Zen: That's a three! That's it! One, two, three! Waka! I beat you to the goal!
Iori: Aaahh, guess I'm tastin' defeat!
Iori: One, two... [sigh] Again. In the end, I'm the one being left out to dry! What kinda dumbass made that stupid rule that you can't finish the game if you don't roll the exact number!?
Zen: That would be you, waka.
Iori: Correct answer! Well, anyway. So, what about your big reward? You want some new workout equipment?
Zen: Nope! I already have enough.
Reo: What else do you want, then?
Zen: Hmm... let me think... what is it that I want...
Satsuki: It ain't gotta be things, right?
Hokusai: You can also ask for a favor. Is there anything you'd like to ask of us?
Zen: What favor would I ask for...? Hmm.... hm! Alright, maybe there's something.
Iori: Yeah? Whaddaya want, Zen? Let us hear it. You can also make one request per person.
Reo: Yeah!
Satsuki: Sure! Whatever you want, Zen, go ahead and let us hear it!
Hokusai: We'd love to know.
Zen: --! [chuckles] Well. [clears throat] First of all, from waka.
Iori: --! Oh?
Zen: I'd like to ask you to please smoke in moderation. I'd actually like to ask you to stop smoking entirely, but...
Iori:[whining] That's too cruel!
Zen: And so, I'm just asking for moderation. Is that alright? And that applies to alcohol, as well!
Iori: ...! [sulking] Yes.
Zen: For Satsuki-kun, I'd like you not to fail your tests at school.
Satsuki: --!
Zen: If you have any questions about your homework, please come and ask me. Preparation and review are both very important!
Satsuki:[resigned] Yessir.
Zen: Reo-kun, please stop picking fights with Satsuki-kun. Especially during mealtime!
Reo:[pouting] ... yessir.
Zen: Hokusai-kun... ... ... I have no requests.
Iori: Whaddaya mean no requests!?
Zen: Well, I suppose... be sure to use the lint roller at the door to remove any stray fur whenever you come back from playing with the cats.
Hokusai: ... understood.
Iori: I feel like we're gettin' told off by a mom.
Zen:[laughs] Is that so?
Reo: Hey, c'mon, this is boring! Let's play another round!
Satsuki: I'm down!
Hokusai: Let's decide the order.
Iori: Well, next up, let's do this!
[sfx: flipping the sugoroku board over] Reo and Satsuki: --! That's--!!
Hokusai: The Suisekigumi custom sugoroku board: super special reverse-side hell mode?
Zen: --! Waka...!
Iori: You feelin' lucky?
Zen, Hokusai, Satsuki, Reo: --!
Iori: On 'go'!
Akan Yatsura: Rock, paper, scissors, go!
[2] Sugoroku is a traditional simple board game where you roll dice, move along the path, and do certain actions/take certain penalties depending on what's written on the square you land on.
[3] In imperial, this is about 2 cups; the standard US can is ~350ml, for reference.
[4] In sugoroku, you have to roll the exact number to win; if you over-roll, you move backwards the remainder. So if you're five squares away and you roll a six, you move to the end and then backtrack one space; if you were three spaces away and rolled a six, you'd move to the goal then backtrack three spaces; if you were one square away and rolled a five, you'd move to the goal then backtrack four spaces; etc.
Buraikan
[sfx: necklace chain shifting] Haruomi: After ten years, it's finally back in my hands. ... I'd thought for a long time that even if I were to get your metal back, what good would it even do me? Just some vague sense of personal satisfaction?
[sfx: necklace chain shifting] Haruomi: But, I've managed to convince myself that tonight we might be able to... ... in truth, it's something that Yatanokami Kanata did. He manifested the brother that had been taken from him as a phantom illusion. ... I've never really been one to believe in much of anything, be it god or Buddha... but the one thing that I do believe in is that your spirit is still here, even now.
[sfx: necklace chain shifting] Haruomi: Let's go. Partner.
[sfx: Haruomi kissing Chisei's metal] [sfx: phantom manifesting] Chisei: Yo. Been a minute, hasn't it? Partner.
[sfx: Haruomi taking a few steps] Haruomi: Yasha. Is that really you?
Chisei: Heh. Who else would it be? ... but man, you've gotten old, haven't you, Haruomi?
Haruomi: ... tch. It really is you. No doubt about it.
Chisei: Ahaha! Don't look so sour. This is supposed to be a touching reunion, isn't it?
Haruomi: Hmm.
Chisei: Mm~?
Haruomi: ... what. What is it.
Chisei: Just thinkin' that the new hair ain't half bad. It's sorta distinguished.
Haruomi: Tch. You're only able to talk a big game like that because you haven't changed at all.
Chisei: Well, in my case, I'm just the way you left me! What, you jealous?
Haruomi: Stop messing around.
Chisei: Ahaha! See, you haven't changed a bit, either. On the inside, anyway.
Haruomi: Hm.
Chisei: ... so, then, what's up? What's got you doing something so reckless just to see me again?
Haruomi: I'm going to bring you back to the stage with my phantom, Yasha.
Chisei: --!
Haruomi: It will be Buraikan's resurrection.
Chisei: You think something like that is even possible?
Haruomi: I saw it with my own eyes. With the power of the metal, there's no such thing as impossible.
Chisei: But...
Haruomi: Who exactly do you think you're talking to?
Chisei: ...! ... hahaha! That part of you really hasn't changed a bit! ... Haruomi, you're the one who said it, right? That you felt like you could do anything you wanted? And that that's why we teamed up together-- to aim for the top as the two of us, to spread phantom lives to the world, and captivate everyone who hears it with the greatest performance.
Haruomi: Hm. And we were actually able to do that, weren't we?
Chisei: Heh. Sure did. ... and now the ones who are following in our footsteps are here, right?
Haruomi: Well, they've got a ways to go yet before they've reached our level. But if you mean people who have risked their lives to prove their existence and their music to the world... yes, I've witnessed them.
Chisei: Heh. ... so was it a good show?
Haruomi: Yeah.
Chisei: And that made you want to do it with me again?
Haruomi: Well, something like that, I suppose.
Chisei: Haha! I hit the nail on the head. ... but are you sure? It's probably going to end up costing you your life. Even if it's just the trap reactions--
Haruomi:[sigh] No nightmare can compare to the day I lost you. It's an unavoidable price you have to pay if you want to do phantom lives.
[sfx: footsteps] Haruomi: But this time is going to be different. Until my life comes to an end, I'm not going to lose my partner a second time.
Chisei: Haruomi...
Haruomi: I would rather spend ten years with you than fifty years without.
[sfx: phantom manifesting] Haruomi: I have no regrets.
Chisei: --! Well, I'm not beating that. You seem really intense about this.
Haruomi: If those lot aren't even able to see the mountain they're supposed to climb, they're going to be totally lost. So, once again, make music with me. Chisei.
Chisei: Yeah. And I'll make you the happiest person in the world one more time. ... well, then! Let's do it, then, shall we, partner?
Haruomi: Yeah.
Chisei: Then this is the ressurection of the legendary kings, Buraikan!