In my dreams, I remember it. You were always inside the musical notes.
A golden light shone through from beyond the buildings shrouded in shadow.
The sky burned crimson from the direction of the city, and the color gradually faded into the transluscent navy blue of the space beyond. A ball, kicked high into the air, caught in the light and then fell down like an impatient moon. Sneakers clicked against the ground as their owner chased after that falling moon.
The garden here at "Home" may be small compared to the world outside, but it was big enough for children to run around in.
He caught the ball with their toes and kicked it up into the air, and the moon rose once more. Over and over he repeated this action.
The smell of dust; the sound of distant cars; the laughter of other children. The shadows cast across the garden stretched long, and when they finally engulfed everything, night had fallen once again.
And then, before he even had the chance to realize it had happened, another light broke through the world enveloped in darkness. In the light that streamed out of the house, he could hear a voice.
"Minoru."
When he looked back, there he was. His pale hair, almost transluscent in the light, shone like the sun.
The boy in the dream called back with a cheerful voice.
"Kei-nii!"
Miyama Kei.
The name of his one and only brother. His favorite sound in the world.
The sky was filled with stars; the city lights twinkled in a dazzling array of colors. The scent of dinner wafted through the warmth of the house, and the children were making a lot of noise. Kei gently took Minoru's hand and together they joined the bustling crowd. Kei's smiling face beside him lit up the world of night as though it were the middle of day. The world he lit up became vivid, sure to leave a lasting, happy memory behind. The world was full of endless color, and countless sounds enveloped Minoru.
Snap.
A white light flickered, and silence fell.
This was how Minoru's dreams always ended.
Minoru never remembered the name of the facility. But, all of the childre who lived there called it "Home", so he went along with them and called it that, too. There were about thirty children there; most of them were around elementary school age.
"Man, I'm on a losing streak at this point. We got beaten by Minoru's shot today," said a short-haired boy as he took off his sneakers.
Minoru lightly rubbed his cheek with a balled-up fist happily and he smiled. "Haha, it's great, isn't it ? It's my ultimate shot! I call it 'Super Shoot Cream'!"
"Hah? That's a pretty unique name; what about it is 'cream', though?" said the boy.
"It's 'cuz the cream puffs we had as a snack the other day were really yummy, so I named it after that!" said Minoru.
"... yep, I don't get you at all. But, you're really strong. Minoru, tomorrow you should be on my team."
"Okie dokey! Then, I'll teach you how to do it~! My Super Shoot Cream!"
"For real? Sweet! ... but, shouldn't you give it a different name?"
If they stood around chatting at the entrance, they would hold up the line, so the adults gently urged them to keep moving.
There were fewer than ten adults in the facility, called "Teachers", who looked after all of the children. As they entered the house under their watchful eyes, Minoru tried to head straight for the dining hall, but Kei stopped him.
"Minoru," he said, "you need to wash your hands properly."
"Kaaaay!"
Minoru replied cheerfully, but he still barely splashed his hands under the tap water and decided he was done washing them. The scent of curry drifting down the hallway made his body hurry of its own accord. As he tried to dash off, Kei grabbed him by the hem of his clothes, and with some reluctance he washed his hands again, this time with soap. But even this he was doing rather haphazardly, so -- as always -- Kei ended up helping him to wash his hands properly.
"Kei-nii~! We gotta hurry up. All the food'll be gone before we're done here!"
"It won't be gone, so don't worry," said Kei. "Here, be sure to wash under your nails and between your fingers thoroughly, like this."
"But I only used my feet 'cause I was just playing soccer."
"No go," said Kei. "Minoru, you're just in too much of a hurry because it's karaage curry day."
Minoru pouted and stomped his feet impatiently. But despite that, Minoru really did enjoy being taken care of by Kei like this.
After they washed their hands, they hurried on to the dining hall.
There were several tables, each seating six people and each adorned with a different patterned table cloth, lined up. Minoru and Kei's usual spot was at a table by the wall. They particularly liked the pattern of this table cloth, since it resembled piano keys.
On a wall nearby, there was a cork board that displayed crafts and drawings done by the various children here at "Home". The crayon drawing that Minoru had done last week was a piece he was very proud of, and he had even been praised for it by his teacher. However, the colored pencil drawing that Kei had done had received even more praise. Kei always received a lot of praise from his teacher. Minoru was a little jealous, but he was happier than he was jealous.
But, it was a bit more painful to see the origami dog to the right of Kei's drawing. Minoru had grabbed it and torn it while playing around with a friend, and this had made the girl who made the dog cry. Minoru had started crying, too; but with Kei's help, they had managed to fix it with a bit of cellophane tape. They had fortunately been able to make up, but the memory was still fresh and painful.
Their meals were served individually on trays. On this day, it consisted of a very simple curry with only the bare minimum ingredients, two large pieces of karaage, a small bowl of cabbage salad, and for dessert, sliced apples. It was a downright feast.
"Karaage curry...!" Minoru barely managed to hold himself back from drooling like a manga character. He had to wait for everyone to say their itadakimasu together, so he fidgeted like a puppy that was being told to stay, while all the while the aroma of the curry rose into the air in front of him. When Kei noticed him and chuckled at the sight, he made a show of sitting up straighter.
While he was waiting, he tapped his fingers on the keyboard pattern on the tablecloth. Da-dah dum, da-dum. The rhythm was akin to "Cat's Paw"1].
"Minoru, you've gotten much better at playing the piano."
Kei, sitting beside him, was gazing at him warmly. Minoru returned the smile, flashing a big grin.
"Hehe, you think so? But I still can't compare to you, Kei-nii."
"That's not true," said Kei. "I'm happy we can play together now."
"Being with you makes me happy too, Kei-nii."
They both chuckled. This was a happy moment. But it wouldn't last very long.
As more and more people filled the dining hall, Kei's face gradually clouded over with concern. His temples grew tense, and he starting making gestures as though he were biting the inside of his empty mouth. Suddenly realizing what was happening, Minoru raised his hand. A male teacher who had been standing nearby came over.
"What's the matter, Minoru-kun?"
"Teacher, it's Kei-nii."
"Ah... I see. It looks like Kei-kun's having a hard time today?"
The teacher was crouching down to meet Kei's eyes, and Kei nodded, covering his ears with his hands. The teacher glanced around to the other adults in the room, helped Kei to his feet, and led him out of the cafeteria, carrying his curry-laden tray for him. Minoru followed along, holding his own tray. Kei turned around, an apologetic look on his face.
"Minoru, it's fine. You can go eat with everyone else."
"Nuh-uh. I wanna be with Kei-nii."
There was no further discussion of the matter.
The teacher, Kei, and Minoru all walked down the silent corridor together. From behind them, he could feel a warm presence and a chorus of voices all saying itadakimasu in unison. He could hear the sound of cheerful children clapping their hands together.
Snap.
"Sorry, Minoru."
Because they were in a soundproofed room, Kei's voice sounded very clear.
At "Home", there was a well-equipped music room for a children's facility, and the children usually used it freely; but at times, it served as Kei's refuge. Back then, Kei's very acute sense of hearing was even more sensitive than it is in the present, and the pain that everyday noises caused him was all the greater. Minoru was well aware of this, and he often kept Kei company when he withdrew into the music room.
"'Bout what? I like eating here." Minoru's reply was was more than half-genuine. It was true that he did miss the lively feeling of eating dinner with everyone, but being with Kei was more important than that.
So please, don't look so sorry.
Using one of the tables as a makeshift dining table, they began their dinner with just the two of them. After clapping his hands together, Minoru scooped up a large piece of karaage from atop the curry. He bit through the crispy exterior and the juicy thigh meat, and the flavor of the chicken spread throughout his mouth.
"T'sh sho good!"
"Minoru, you really like karaage, don't you? Would you like to have some of mine?" said Kei.
"Wait, really?" Minoru exclaimed. "Even though it's so yummy!?"
"Yeah," said Kei. "I get full really quickly, so I was thinking that maybe the fried chicken would be happier if you ate it, Minoru, instead of me leaving half of it behind."
"I see...! Well, then, if it's for Kei-nii and the chicken's sake! Itadakimasu!" And Minoru happily devoured the large piece of karaage.
Kei beamed as he watched Minoru eat, just as happy as he was. He took up a small spoonful of curry and asked his brother a question. "Minoru, I heard that you did really well today?"
"Yeah, I scored the goal that won the game. They said I'm an 'ace striker'."
"That's amazing. Maybe you'll be able to become a soccer player when you grow up."
"Yeaaah, I mean, I guess being a soccer player sounds pretty neat," said Minoru, "but I still think firefighters are cooler~!"
"Haha. You've always admired firefighters, haven't you? When we were watching that video about working vehicles the other day, you were completely transfixed by the firetrucks."
"No, see, Kei-nii, it wasn't just an ordinary firetruck, you know? It's a super cool one called a Super Pumper! They're used by these groups called the Hyper Rescue[2]! It's almost like a mecha, it's super cool~!"
Ever since he had gotten to try holding the hose during a local disaster prevention drill, Minoru had been completely transfixed by firefighters. The big red trucks, their silver uniforms, even the names that the special teams and squads had-- it all seemed impossibly cool to him.
"You can do it. Minoru, I'm sure you'll become a very cool firefighter."
"Ehehe, you really think so? Well, what about you, Kei-nii? Have you decided on what you wanna be when you grow up?" Minoru said.
"Hm... I can't really think of anything," said Kei.
"I bet you could be a really good musician, Kei-nii. Like a pianist, or a composer."
"It's true that I do like music, but I wonder whether I could really make a living from it..."
"How about an idol, then?" Minoru said. "I wanna see you wearing a bunch of cool costumes, Kei-nii!"
"... huh? I-- do you really think something that dazzling would really suit me...?"
"Ah, see, it doesn't look like you're totally against it~!"
"N-no, I--!"
Minoru smiled as he teased Kei a little bit; Kei was clearly a little embarrassed. But after a moment, Minoru asked again.
"So, is there anything else? Anything you wanna be, I mean."
Kei stroked the handle of his spoon between the pads of his fingers, and he smiled in a way that was awash in awkward embarassment.
"I already became what I wanted to be the most," he said. "A long time ago."
"Huh? What do you mean? What'd you become, Kei-nii?"
At Minoru's face of utter bewilderment, Kei's eyes narrowed with a kind smile.
"Because you were born, Minoru, I was able to become a big brother. I'm happy enough with just that much that I don't need anything else."
"... Kei-nii~!!" Big tears welled up in Minoru's eyes, adding a bit of extra salt to his curry. Minoru put down his spoon and crossed over to Kei, grabbing him in a big hug. "Kei-nii, let's play the piano together once we're done eating. I wanna be able to play that song properly."
"'Träumerei'[3], right? Alright. I'm sure you'll do a great job playing it today, Mino--"
"Not that one! The one that you wrote!"
Kei's eyes got wide, and then his cheeks flushed with embarassment. "That was just a song I came up with on a whim... and I just wrote down the sheet music without thinking that hard about it. It's fine if you can't play it perfectly."
"Nuh-uh. I wanna play that one," said Minoru. "It's my favorite song that you've written, Kei-nii. And you wrote it especially so that the two of us could play it together as brotehrs, right?"
"Minoru..." Kei's eyes were threatening to spill tears, so he closed them and smiled gently. "... okay. Then, let's finish that song properly today. Together."
"'Kay! Let's play it together, and let's write it together."
The two of them cleared away their empty plates (Minoru ate whatever Kei couldn't finish) and went from eating while they faced each other to sitting side-by-side at the piano.
As Kei's slender, pale fingers traced over the sheet music and struck the keys, Minoru's fingers followed along with the melody. Occasionally, he would stop, say what he was feeling, and Kei would write it down on the sheet music. It was a two-man race across the musical staff that only these two brothers could partake in.
The blue light of the moon gently illuminated the music that they created together, a song undisturbed and unaffected by the world outside of themselves. It was as if the moon were reluctant to sink down, reluctant to let the night come to an end. As though reluctant to let their days together pass them by, the children's night slowly grew deeper. The moon flickered in a lamentation, as though it had realized that the passage of time could not be stopped.
Snap.
The office was greyer than anywhere else in "Home".
The teacher's desk had a small laptop in the center of it; there was stationery crammed into a partitioned pen holder. There were books stuffed tightly between bookends, and stacks of documents all over the table, to the point where it was a mystery where he found the space to write anything on the desk.
The teacher carefully pulled a clear file out of a stack of documents and showed it to Minoru.
"'Competishon'?" Minoru read, his pronunciation somewhat incorrect.
The teacher narrowed his eyes and nodded. Out of all of the teachers, this man with a kind face was particularly concerned about matters pertaining to the Miyama brothers. He had a musical background, and he had been the one who had taught the brothers piano.
"That's right. Minoru, you've been getting remarkably better at piano lately, haven't you? I was wondering whether you'd like to give playing at something like this a try."
The pamphlet that he was given showed a picture of a very impressive-looking hall. He couldn't quite tell the details, but it didn't look like a fun recital at all. The piano that he usually enjoyed playing happily in the music room and the grand piano standing alone in the spotlight may as well have been completely different instruments.
"Hm..."
Minoru looked out the window. The other children who he had promised to play with were already kicking the ball around in the yard. Kei wasn't among them; he must have been playing the piano back in the music room. Minoru tilted his head to one side and looked back at the teacher.
"Why me?" he said. "Wouldn't Kei be better suited for this kinda thing?"
"Ah... well, of course I suggested it to Kei-kun as well," said the teacher, "but he seemed worried about going out somewhere where there was a lot of noise."
"I see..."
When it was explained away as being because of Kei's hearing problems, Minoru was able to accept it. The adults called what Kei had "misophonia", but Minoru didn't entirely understand it.
The way Minoru saw it, Kei simply loved beautiful sounds. Because he heard more sounds than other people did, he got tired in noisy environments. But because of that, he was able to connect more fully with those beautiful sounds. That was all it was-- and yet they acted like it was extraordinary, either an affliction or a special talent. No matter what they called it, though, the simple reality that Kei lived in didn't change.
"But, um.... I'm not really that confident," said Minoru. "Kei-nii is way better than me."
"I don't think that's true. From what I've heard as your teacher, you're quite good too, Minoru-kun. You could easily enter a competition and have nothing to be ashamed of."
"You think so...?"
"You can read sheet music very well, and you have the technique to play it just as it's written," said the teacher. "And above all, you have the sensitivity of spirit to understand what worldview a piece is trying to impart, and to play it accordingly. I guarantee you that."
Minoru was quite surprised that his teacher thought so highly of him. He had always sensed that his teacher, too, had held Kei in much higher regard. It wasn't the first time that his teacher had praised him, of course, but it was the first time that he'd been praised so highly. But really, his problem wasn't entirely that he lacked confidence. What bothered him more was the guilt of being chosen over Kei.
His teacher had picked up on that, and was choosing his words carefully.
"And besides that, Minoru-kun," he said, "I think this would be very good for Kei-kun as well."
"For Kei-nii?"
"Yes. Kei-kun is very sensitive to noise, so he can't go outside very often, right?" said the teacher. "But one day, you'll all grow up and leave this house."
"I mean... yeah, probably?"
"So music can be a means to connect you to the outside world," said the teacher. "I think that one day, when Kei-kun is trying to make a living through the power of music, it will be very important for you to have had this experience, Minoru-kun. I'm sure of it."
And to Minoru, who loved Kei more than anyone, and who knew about Kei's brilliance more than anyone, it sounded like a very sound suggestion.
Minoru was very lively and took very naturally to living with others in the group. His cheerful attitude and natural athleticism made him very welcomed by everyone around him. By contrast, it wasn't that people disliked Kei, but it was inarguable that his nature forced him to stay on the sidelines more often than not. If nothing else, he hoped that the music they had created together could be welcomed by the wider world.
If Minoru could win a prestigious award by playing piano, then he could only imagine how wonderfully proud he would be if he could say, but Kei-nii is better.
Just imagining it -- imagining playing the classical music that he practiced with Kei, bathed in the shining lights on a grand stage -- made excitement well in Minoru's chest. His heart shook like it was playing a staccato beat.
"Got it. Teacher, I'll enter the competishon."
At Minoru's smile, the teacher returned the happiest smile that Minoru'd ever seen on his face. Like a baton being passed in a relay race, he passed the competition pamphlet into Minoru's outstretched hand.
Snap.
[1] See here. [Back]
[2] Fire Rescue Task Forces, or Hyper Rescue, are a real specialty fire force in Japan. [Back]
[3] Schumann's Kinderszenen, Op. 15, movement 7 (Träumerei). This was also referenced by name in TCW's chapter of MEMORY! [Back]