In my dreams, I remember it. You were always inside the musical notes.
A golden light shone through from beyond the buildings shrouded in shadow.
The sky burned crimson from the direction of the city, and the color gradually faded into the translucent navy blue of the space beyond. A ball, kicked high into the air, caught in the light and then fell down like an impatient moon. Sneakers clicked against the ground as their owner chased after that falling moon.
The garden here at "Home" may be small compared to the world outside, but it was big enough for children to run around in.
He caught the ball with their toes and kicked it up into the air, and the moon rose once more. Over and over he repeated this action.
The smell of the wind; the sound of distant cars; the laughter of other children. The shadows cast across the garden stretched long, and when they finally engulfed everything, night had fallen once again.
And then, before he even had the chance to realize it had happened, another light broke through the world enveloped in darkness. In the light that streamed out of the house, he could hear a voice.
"Minori."
When he looked back, there he was. His pale hair, almost translucent in the light, shone like the sun.
The boy in the dream called back with a cheerful voice.
"Kei-nii!"
Miyama Kei.
The name of his one and only brother. His favorite sound in the world.
The sky was filled with stars; the city lights twinkled in a dazzling array of colors. The scent of dinner wafted through the warmth of the house, and the children were making a lot of noise. Kei gently took Minori's hand and together they joined the bustling crowd. Kei's smiling face beside him lit up the world of night as though it were the middle of day. The world he lit up became vivid, sure to leave a lasting, happy memory behind. The world was full of endless color, and countless sounds enveloped Minori.
Snap.[0]
A white light flickered, and silence fell.
This was how Minori's dreams always ended.
Minori never remembered the name of the facility. But, all of the children who lived there called it "Home", so he went along with them and called it that, too. There were about thirty children there; most of them were around elementary school age.
"Man, I'm on a losing streak at this point. We got beaten by Minori's shot today," said a short-haired boy as he took off his sneakers.
Minori lightly rubbed his cheek with a balled-up fist happily and he smiled. "Haha, it's great, isn't it? It's my ultimate shot! I call it 'Super Shoot Cream'!"
"Hah? That's a pretty unique name; what about it is 'cream', though?" said the boy.
"It's 'cuz the cream puffs we had as a snack the other day were really yummy, so I named it after that!" said Minori.
"... yep, I don't get you at all. But, you're really strong. Minori, tomorrow you should be on my team."
"Okie dokey! Then, I'll teach you how to do it~! My Super Shoot Cream!"
"For real? Sweet! ... but, shouldn't you give it a different name?"
If they stood around chatting at the entrance, they would hold up the line, so the adults gently urged them to keep moving.
There were fewer than ten adults in the facility, called "Teachers", who looked after all of the children. As they entered the house under their watchful eyes, Minori tried to head straight for the dining hall, but Kei stopped him.
"Minori," he said, "you need to wash your hands properly."
"Kaaaay!"
Minori replied cheerfully, but he still barely splashed his hands under the tap water and decided he was done washing them. The scent of curry drifting down the hallway made his body hurry of its own accord. As he tried to dash off, Kei grabbed him by the hem of his clothes, and with some reluctance he washed his hands again, this time with soap. But even this he was doing rather haphazardly, so -- as always -- Kei ended up helping him to wash his hands properly.
"Kei-nii~! We gotta hurry up. All the food'll be gone before we're done here!"
"It won't be gone, so don't worry," said Kei. "Here, be sure to wash under your nails and between your fingers thoroughly, like this."
"But I only used my feet 'cause I was just playing soccer."
"No go," said Kei. "Minori, you're just in too much of a hurry because it's karaage curry day."
Minori pouted and stomped his feet impatiently. But despite that, Minori really did enjoy being taken care of by Kei like this.
After they washed their hands, they hurried on to the dining hall.
There were several tables, each seating six people and each adorned with a different patterned table cloth, lined up. Minori and Kei's usual spot was at a table by the wall. They particularly liked the pattern of this table cloth, since it resembled piano keys.
On a wall nearby, there was a cork board that displayed crafts and drawings done by the various children here at "Home". The crayon drawing that Minori had done last week was a piece he was very proud of, and he had even been praised for it by his teacher. However, the colored pencil drawing that Kei had done had received even more praise. Kei always received a lot of praise from his teacher. Minori was a little jealous, but he was happier than he was jealous.
But, it was a bit more painful to see the origami dog to the right of Kei's drawing. Minori had grabbed it and torn it while playing around with a friend, and this had made the girl who made the dog cry. Minori had started crying, too; but with Kei's help, they had managed to fix it with a bit of cellophane tape. They had fortunately been able to make up, but the memory was still fresh and painful.
Their meals were served individually on trays. On this day, it consisted of a very simple curry with only the bare minimum ingredients, two large pieces of karaage, a small bowl of cabbage salad, and for dessert, sliced apples. It was a downright feast.
"Karaage curry...!" Minori barely managed to hold himself back from drooling like a manga character. He had to wait for everyone to say their itadakimasu together, so he fidgeted like a puppy that was being told to stay, while all the while the aroma of the curry rose into the air in front of him. When Kei noticed him and chuckled at the sight, he made a show of sitting up straighter.
While he was waiting, he tapped his fingers on the keyboard pattern on the tablecloth. Da-dah dum, da-dum. The rhythm was akin to "Cat's Paw"1].
"Minori, you've gotten much better at playing the piano."
Kei, sitting beside him, was gazing at him warmly. Minori returned the smile, flashing a big grin.
"Hehe, you think so? But I still can't compare to you, Kei-nii."
"That's not true," said Kei. "I'm happy we can play together now."
"Being with you makes me happy too, Kei-nii."
They both chuckled. This was a happy moment. But it wouldn't last very long.
As more and more people filled the dining hall, Kei's face gradually clouded over with concern. His temples grew tense, and he starting making gestures as though he were biting the inside of his empty mouth. Suddenly realizing what was happening, Minori raised his hand. A male teacher who had been standing nearby came over.
"What's the matter, Minori-kun?"
"Teacher, it's Kei-nii."
"Ah... I see. It looks like Kei-kun's having a hard time today?"
The teacher was crouching down to meet Kei's eyes, and Kei nodded, covering his ears with his hands. The teacher glanced around to the other adults in the room, helped Kei to his feet, and led him out of the cafeteria, carrying his curry-laden tray for him. Minori followed along, holding his own tray. Kei turned around, an apologetic look on his face.
"Minori, it's fine. You can go eat with everyone else."
"Nuh-uh. I wanna be with Kei-nii."
There was no further discussion of the matter.
The teacher, Kei, and Minori all walked down the silent corridor together. From behind them, he could feel a warm presence and a chorus of voices all saying itadakimasu in unison. He could hear the sound of cheerful children clapping their hands together.
Snap.
"Sorry, Minori."
Because they were in a soundproofed room, Kei's voice sounded very clear.
At "Home", there was a well-equipped music room for a children's facility, and the children usually used it freely; but at times, it served as Kei's refuge. Back then, Kei's very acute sense of hearing was even more sensitive than it is in the present, and the pain that everyday noises caused him was all the greater. Minori was well aware of this, and he often kept Kei company when he withdrew into the music room.
"'Bout what? I like eating here." Minori's reply was more than half-genuine. It was true that he did miss the lively feeling of eating dinner with everyone, but being with Kei was more important than that.
So please, don't look so sorry.
Using one of the tables as a makeshift dining table, they began their dinner with just the two of them. After clapping his hands together, Minori scooped up a large piece of karaage from atop the curry. He bit through the crispy exterior and the juicy thigh meat, and the flavor of the chicken spread throughout his mouth.
"T'sh sho good!"
"Minori, you really like karaage, don't you? Would you like to have some of mine?" said Kei.
"Wait, really?" Minori exclaimed. "Even though it's so yummy!?"
"Yeah," said Kei. "I get full really quickly, so I was thinking that maybe the fried chicken would be happier if you ate it, Minori, instead of me leaving half of it behind."
"I see...! Well, then, if it's for Kei-nii and the chicken's sake! Itadakimasu!" And Minori happily devoured the large piece of karaage.
Kei beamed as he watched Minori eat, just as happy as he was. He took up a small spoonful of curry and asked his brother a question. "Minori, I heard that you did really well today?"
"Yeah, I scored the goal that won the game. They said I'm an 'ace striker'."
"That's amazing. Maybe you'll be able to become a soccer player when you grow up."
"Yeaaah, I mean, I guess being a soccer player sounds pretty neat," said Minori, "but I still think firefighters are cooler~!"
"Haha. You've always admired firefighters, haven't you? When we were watching that video about working vehicles the other day, you were completely transfixed by the firetrucks."
"No, see, Kei-nii, it wasn't just an ordinary firetruck, you know? It's a super cool one called a Super Pumper! They're used by these groups called the Hyper Rescue[2]! It's almost like a mecha, it's super cool~!"
Ever since he had gotten to try holding the hose during a local disaster prevention drill, Minori had been completely transfixed by firefighters. The big red trucks, their silver uniforms, even the names that the special teams and squads had-- it all seemed impossibly cool to him.
"You can do it. Minori, I'm sure you'll become a very cool firefighter."
"Ehehe, you really think so? Well, what about you, Kei-nii? Have you decided on what you wanna be when you grow up?" Minori said.
"Hm... I can't really think of anything," said Kei.
"I bet you could be a really good musician, Kei-nii. Like a pianist, or a composer."
"It's true that I do like music, but I wonder whether I could really make a living from it..."
"How about an idol, then?" Minori said. "I wanna see you wearing a bunch of cool costumes, Kei-nii!"
"... huh? I-- do you really think something that dazzling would really suit me...?"
"Ah, see, it doesn't look like you're totally against it~!"
"N-no, I--!"
Minori smiled as he teased Kei a little bit; Kei was clearly a little embarrassed. But after a moment, Minori asked again.
"So, is there anything else? Anything you wanna be, I mean."
Kei stroked the handle of his spoon between the pads of his fingers, and he smiled in a way that was awash in awkward embarrassment.
"I already became what I wanted to be the most," he said. "A long time ago."
"Huh? What do you mean? What'd you become, Kei-nii?"
At Minori's face of utter bewilderment, Kei's eyes narrowed with a kind smile.
"Because you were born, Minori, I was able to become a big brother. I'm happy enough with just that much that I don't need anything else."
"... Kei-nii~!!" Big tears welled up in Minori's eyes, adding a bit of extra salt to his curry. Minori put down his spoon and crossed over to Kei, grabbing him in a big hug. "Kei-nii, let's play the piano together once we're done eating. I wanna be able to play that song properly."
"'Träumerei'[3], right? Alright. I'm sure you'll do a great job playing it today, Mino--"
"Not that one! The one that you wrote!"
Kei's eyes got wide, and then his cheeks flushed with embarrassmentt. "That was just a song I came up with on a whim... and I just wrote down the sheet music without thinking that hard about it. It's fine if you can't play it perfectly."
"Nuh-uh. I wanna play that one," said Minori. "It's my favorite song that you've written, Kei-nii. And you wrote it especially so that the two of us could play it together as brothers, right?"
"Minori..." Kei's eyes were threatening to spill tears, so he closed them and smiled gently. "... okay. Then, let's finish that song properly today. Together."
"'Kay! Let's play it together, and let's write it together."
The two of them cleared away their empty plates (Minori ate whatever Kei couldn't finish) and went from eating while they faced each other to sitting side-by-side at the piano.
As Kei's slender, pale fingers traced over the sheet music and struck the keys, Minori's fingers followed along with the melody. Occasionally, he would stop, say what he was feeling, and Kei would write it down on the sheet music. It was a two-man race across the musical staff that only these two brothers could partake in.
The blue light of the moon gently illuminated the music that they created together, a song undisturbed and unaffected by the world outside of themselves. It was as if the moon were reluctant to sink down, reluctant to let the night come to an end. As though reluctant to let their days together pass them by, the children's night slowly grew deeper. The moon flickered in a lamentation, as though it had realized that the passage of time could not be stopped.
Snap.
The office was greyer than anywhere else in "Home".
The teacher's desk had a small laptop in the center of it; there was stationery crammed into a partitioned pen holder. There were books stuffed tightly between bookends, and stacks of documents all over the table, to the point where it was a mystery where he found the space to write anything on the desk.
The teacher carefully pulled a clear file out of a stack of documents and showed it to Minori.
"'Competishon'?" Minori read, his pronunciation somewhat incorrect.
The teacher narrowed his eyes and nodded. Out of all of the teachers, this man with a kind face was particularly concerned about matters pertaining to the Miyama brothers. He had a musical background, and he had been the one who had taught the brothers piano.
"That's right. Minori, you've been getting remarkably better at piano lately, haven't you? I was wondering whether you'd like to give playing at something like this a try."
The pamphlet that he was given showed a picture of a very impressive-looking hall. He couldn't quite tell the details, but it didn't look like a fun recital at all. The piano that he usually enjoyed playing happily in the music room and the grand piano standing alone in the spotlight may as well have been completely different instruments.
"Hm..."
Minori looked out the window. The other children who he had promised to play with were already kicking the ball around in the yard. Kei wasn't among them; he must have been playing the piano back in the music room. Minori tilted his head to one side and looked back at the teacher.
"Why me?" he said. "Wouldn't Kei be better suited for this kinda thing?"
"Ah... well, of course I suggested it to Kei-kun as well," said the teacher, "but he seemed worried about going out somewhere where there was a lot of noise."
"I see..."
When it was explained away as being because of Kei's hearing problems, Minori was able to accept it. The adults called what Kei had "misophonia", but Minori didn't entirely understand it.
The way Minori saw it, Kei simply loved beautiful sounds. Because he heard more sounds than other people did, he got tired in noisy environments. But because of that, he was able to connect more fully with those beautiful sounds. That was all it was-- and yet they acted like it was extraordinary, either an affliction or a special talent. No matter what they called it, though, the simple reality that Kei lived in didn't change.
"But, um.... I'm not really that confident," said Minori. "Kei-nii is way better than me."
"I don't think that's true. From what I've heard as your teacher, you're quite good too, Minori-kun. You could easily enter a competition and have nothing to be ashamed of."
"You think so...?"
"You can read sheet music very well, and you have the technique to play it just as it's written," said the teacher. "And above all, you have the sensitivity of spirit to understand what worldview a piece is trying to impart, and to play it accordingly. I guarantee you that."
Minori was quite surprised that his teacher thought so highly of him. He had always sensed that his teacher, too, had held Kei in much higher regard. It wasn't the first time that his teacher had praised him, of course, but it was the first time that he'd been praised so highly. But really, his problem wasn't entirely that he lacked confidence. What bothered him more was the guilt of being chosen over Kei.
His teacher had picked up on that, and was choosing his words carefully.
"And besides that, Minori-kun," he said, "I think this would be very good for Kei-kun as well."
"For Kei-nii?"
"Yes. Kei-kun is very sensitive to noise, so he can't go outside very often, right?" said the teacher. "But one day, you'll all grow up and leave this house."
"I mean... yeah, probably?"
"So music can be a means to connect you to the outside world," said the teacher. "I think that one day, when Kei-kun is trying to make a living through the power of music, it will be very important for you to have had this experience, Minori-kun. I'm sure of it."
And to Minori, who loved Kei more than anyone, and who knew about Kei's brilliance more than anyone, it sounded like a very sound suggestion.
Minori was very lively and took very naturally to living with others in the group. His cheerful attitude and natural athleticism made him very welcomed by everyone around him. By contrast, it wasn't that people disliked Kei, but it was inarguable that his nature forced him to stay on the sidelines more often than not. If nothing else, he hoped that the music they had created together could be welcomed by the wider world.
If Minori could win a prestigious award by playing piano, then he could only imagine how wonderfully proud he would be if he could say, but Kei-nii is better.
Just imagining it -- imagining playing the classical music that he practiced with Kei, bathed in the shining lights on a grand stage -- made excitement well in Minori's chest. His heart shook like it was playing a staccato beat.
"Got it. Teacher, I'll enter the competishon."
At Minori's smile, the teacher returned the happiest smile that Minori'd ever seen on his face. Like a baton being passed in a relay race, he passed the competition pamphlet into Minori's outstretched hand.
Snap.
"So you're going to enter a piano competition?"
"Uh huh."
Kei, sitting next to Minori, tilted his head. The weather was nice today, so after snack time, most of the children had gone out to play, and the playroom was quiet. Nobody was playing soccer yet, and Minori wanted to talk to Kei, so he stayed inside and played with him.
One very popular toy in the playroom was a set of very large blocks, each one just the right size to fit in two hands, but since nobody else was inside that day, they were able to use them as they wished. Minori built an enclosure with the blocks, and used the interlocking floor mats that were lying around to make a carpet, and like this, he created a secret base big enough for two kids to fit inside.
Once inside their secret hideout, Minori told Kei about the competition. He had already told everybody else, but he had been slow to tell Kei about it because he felt a little bit guilty. Minori hugged his knees to his chest, covering his mouth as he confessed.
"But to be honest..." Minori said. "I wonder if I'm actually good enough."
"What are you talking about? You're so good at playing piano, Minori. You should let everyone hear you play." In their small secret hideout, Kei leaned even closer and stroked Minori's head, smiling.
Minori was happy, but even so. "But..." he began, pouting. "I accepted the offer, but I'm still really nervous about it. I haven't really played alone in front of anyone before."
"But the teacher said you were good. I'm sure if he thinks so, then you must be the best of everyone here."
"Kei-nii, you're forgetting to count yourself in this. You were invited, weren't you?" Minori said, still pouting.
Kei blinked rapidly, his eyes wide. He loved music, and he had a tremendous talent for it, but he didn't seem to be particularly interested in matters of whether someone was technical skilled. For Kei, it seemed that the quality of sound was a bit more ambiguous, and he simply followed his heart.
"What song should you do?" Kei asked aloud, and as he did, he tilted his head slightly and peered at Minori's face. "Out of the sheet music we have here at Home, something we've played together... how about Chopin? It's maybe a bit of a conventional piece, but maybe The Minute Waltz? It's also called the Puppy Waltz, so I think it really suits you, Minori, so I think it'd be good."
"Hey, are you comparing me to a dog?"
"Whenever I see you running after a ball," Kei said, "that piece often plays in my head."
"See? I knew you were calling me a dog! Ruff ruff!"
Minori barked and pretended to play-bite Kei, gently nipping at him. Kei laughed as though he were being tickled, and together, they rolled around inside their secret hideout.
"Ahaha... well, aside from that... I think Burgmüller would be nice, too. The melody of the tarantella is perfect for when you're eating snacks," Kei said.
"Hm, yeah, I like that one too. It kinda sounds like a tarantula."
"I don't think it sounds like a tarantula...?"
"But anyway, it's beside the point," said Minori. "I already decided what piece I wanna play."
"You have? What is it? Will you tell me?" Kei asked, and his eyes were sparkling. Seeing that expression, Minori felt very happy, knowing that Kei truly loved music, and that he truly loved Minori.
Minori traced a finger along a seam in the block wall and, a little shyly, confessed his thoughts. "Well, y'know, I wanna play that song. The one you wrote, Kei-nii..."
"... huh?" Kei's mouth hung agape in surprise. "That's... surely there are plenty of other, better songs."
"But it's a competishon, right? So everyone's playing the song they think is best and choosing the one they think has the best sound, right? So, then, I think that one would be the best." Minori looked at Kei, almost questioningly. "... I want to take your music with me, Kei-nii. That way, even if I'm entering alone, we'll still be together. I can show everyone that both my piano playing and your music are amazing at the same time."
It seemed like time completely stopped for Kei when Minori said that. It took a few full seconds for the tears to start welling up in his eyes. Then, he leaned towards Minori and bumped his head against him.
"Ahaha, now you're the one acting like a dog, Kei-nii."
"I guess... yes, I guess I am."
They both tilted their heads and bumped them against each other. They laughed softly together, as if they were sharing a secret.
Then, Kei said, "I'll rearrange the sheet music for that song so it can be played by one person before the competition. I think I can manage it."
"Really?! Yay!! I love you, Kei-nii!"
"Yeah. And I love you too, Minori. You're the most important person in the entire world to me."
As they playfully ribbed each other, they suddenly felt eyes were upon them. When they looked up, many faces were smiling down at them. Their secret base had been built with blocks but had no roof, so everything inside was fully visible.
The children, who were supposed to have gone off to play, had returned and were smiling as they watched the Miyama brothers. Among them, one boy with short hair was the first to speak up.
"Sorry for interrupting, Kei. But all of us, we wanna support you and Minori too."
"Everyone..."
As Kei spoke, a girl with neatly-trimmed bangs continued. "There's a chance that a really great pianist might come out of Home, right? I think the two of you can do it. You're the closest out of any two people here at Home. Good luck!"
Minori and Kei looked at each other's faces, blinked, and then turned back to look at everyone else and they nodded.
Back at that time, Kei's physical condition made it very difficult for him to join in with the group. But because Minori was there, Kei stayed connected to everyone. That's probably why their time at "Home" was a happy one. It was a place where the two of them smiled together.
From there, Minori would be able to spread his wings and fly into the night. He believed it would be a wonderful thing, to take flight into the outside world, carrying along the hopes of his dear older brother and all of the other children in his family who were supporting him.
It was, probably, a beautiful sunny day. The sun shone brightly, and the wind blew strongly.
Outside the window, there flew a small bird. It was a small migratory bird that had become separated from its flock. The curious bird had begun playing with a balloon that it had happened upon. It flapped its wings high in the deep blue sky, when suddenly, the sound of the balloon popping startled it, and it fell down onto the elevated railway tracks.
Snap.
When Minori opened his eyes, the only thing he could see was a pure white ceiling.
He was in an unfamiliar room. Everything -- the ceiling, the walls, the sheets, even the clothes he was wearing -- was such pure white it was like they had been bleached. There was only one way in or out. There were no windows, and the air he breathed in was dry and permeated with a pungent smell, like disinfectant.
He was confused. But there was a vague haze lingering around the back of his head, and it was like all of the information that his eyes were taking in wasn't fully connecting to the rest of his brain. There was a dull pain, as though a stake had been driven through his temple and behind his eyes; when he tried to stand up, his entire body felt unbelievably heavy.
In the pure white room, there was a single dark spot. After a few seconds, Minori realized it was a person, and he cried out in confusion.
"... Kei-nii?"
But even before the figure turned around, Minori already knew. Whoever this was, it was absolutely not Kei.
His dark, twilight-blue hair contrasted sharply with his bright golden eyes, which shone like morning stars. Or, perhaps he evoked a black cat. The boy closed the book that he was holding with a clapping sound and then he turned his gaze upon Minori.
"Are you awake, #6?"
Minori was taken aback by the black-haired boy's voice, and there were a few seconds of silence that followed.
Minori glanced around the room and then pointed hesitantly at himself; the boy nodded silently. He couldn't quite grasp the way that he had been referred to by such a cold, impersonal number. Before he fully internalized that, he gave his name.
He introduced himself by full name: his family name, which he shared with Kei, and his given name, which Kei had always said with such affection.
"I'm Minori. Miyama Minori."
"I see. Forget that name. You will never be called that again from this point forward." The boy spoke matter-of-factly. He didn't seem to be joking at all.
As his headache began to subside and his thoughts became clearer, Minori's confusion caught up to him. Nothing in this room made any sense to him. And since he didn't understand anything, the first thing he did was ask for the name of the person standing before him.
"... um, who're you?"
"I am #5."
And the answer he got was a number, hardly a person's name at all. The boy who had called him "number six" was, apparently, "number five". He couldn't figure out how to make sense of that, no matter how hard he thought about it.
Minori got up from his bed and began taking stock of the room around him. The white walls were seamless; they were made of a sturdy, smooth decorative paneling. Upon closer inspection, he could see that there were slits at the corners of the ceiling, suggesting that the room was air-conditioned. The only door -- the only apparent way in or out -- was tightly locked, and wouldn't budge an inch no matter how hard Minori tried to push or pull. #5, who had been observing him silently, spoke up.
"Right now, it is cleaning time at this facility, so you can't come and go freely. If you wish to leave, you'll have to wait until mealtime, and the free time that follows. That said, you cannot actually go outside."
"'Facility'? What do you mean, 'facility'? This isn't my Home. Where am I? Is this another Home? Where's Kei-nii? Are the others not here?"
"This is a Phantometal biological experimentation facility managed by the Alter Trigger Company. Two test subjects are housed together in each room; this is room C for #5 and #6. As such, you and I are the only ones here."
#5 answered Minori's questions in a manner that was direct, but also quite dismissive. Minori barely understood a single word he said. Unable to handle the sheer volume of information and the fact that none of this felt real, Minori's eyes simply grew wide in surprise.
"... I've gotta go home. 'Cause I have to tell Kei-nii. I have to tell him that I did my best at the piano competishon. That, that I won the grand prize. That I played, really well..."
"You cannot go home," #5 said very calmly. His unwavering voice helped Minori to understand at once. It seemed that he probably wasn't lying; he was merely stating a fact. "I do feel sorry for you, as you were brought here from outside; but you can't go back to where you came from. Neither I nor anyone else can escape this place. From this point forward, we will live together in this white room."
It took Minori a few seconds to process that the sound he was hearing was a human voice.
From deep within his numb, buzzing head, a terrible sick feeling began to swell, seeping down into his chest, and from there the blood that was flowing inside his veins went cold. As that cold blood circulated through his entire body, the emotions that had not yet quite fully formed into a scream burst inside his head.
Snap.
"Ow ow ow ow..."
His vision was still blurry. It had been probably about ten days since he had started living with #5 in the white room.
#5 rarely showed any emotion on his face. But even so, today, Minori could see a faint twitch of exasperation pulling at his eyelids.
"That's what you get when you do something stupid. It is true that the connecting passageway opens when there is food being delivered, it is not realistic to try and escape through it. Are you not aware of how many surveillance cameras there are?"
"You should've told me before I tried it... Ow... That zap hurt really bad..."
"It's admittedly been a long time since I've seen someone be hit by an electric baton." #5's disbelief was plainly visible on his face.
The first three days had been ones of pure confusion for Minori. For the three days that followed, as Minori began to understand the reality of his situation, he had cried non-stop. Now, after a week had passed, he had begun frequent attempts to escape. Now, it had become clear that he required special supervision from the facility.
"#6... I believe you may be the most troublesome individual that has ever passed through this facility."
"I told yoooou, stop calling me that! My name's Minori!"
"You still insist on that... for security reasons, even the staff here refer to each other only by their ID numbers. Personal names are only necessary for characters in books." As he said that, #5 turned a page in the book he was reading. He had said that books that the staff occasionally brought in were one of the few forms of entertainment available to them at the facility.
Minori, since he had been causing trouble, had had his request denied, and he had been hoping to borrow #5's book, but it was full of dry, boring text and he couldn't read it. It seemed that what he was reading now was a classic science fiction novel.
"I don't think they're unnecessary at all. It's your own name, after all. ... you've got one, too, right? A real name?"
"I do not." #5 said it as simply as if he were a store clerk saying that something was out of stock. "For as long as I can remember, I have always lived at Alter Trigger facilities. The designation #5, given to me when I was transferred here, is my first and only name."
"But that's not a name," said Minori. "It's a number."
"Your number is your name now, too, is it not?" said #5. "I understand that it is frustrating, but you must simply accept it."
"I won't. I'm not 'six'. I'm Miyama Minori. So you oughta call me that, too."
"... I refuse."
"Why?" prodded Minori. "It's fine. It's not like you're one of the adults here..." After saying that, Minori tilted his head thoughtfully. Then, he clapped his hands together and looked at #5. "Oh, wait, I get it! It'd be weird if I was the only one being called by my name! So I'll call you by your name, too!"
"I already told you, I do not have a na--"
"That's why I'm gonna give you one! Lemme think just a moment..."
"... what?"
#5's eyes grew wide, and he blinked rapidly as if he were trying to get something out of his eyes. He looked the spitting image of a startled black cat. Minori began to think very hard, hemming and hawing as he did, and then he snapped his eyes open with a determined expression.
"#6," said #5, "I have not asked you to--"
"Itsuki!"
With a sharp, swift movement, Minori pointed at #5-- the boy he had just named Itsuki.
For #5, whose only entertainment came in the form of reading, he broke down the sounds he heard into their component characters, as if he were typing them out. "... I see. So is it because I am #5 that you have come up with the name 'Itsuki', from the reading of the number five[4]?"
"Uh huh!"
"... in a novel I read last week," said #5, "there was a dog named Mame because it was a Mameshiba."
"Really? Was it a cute dog?" said Minori.
"As I do not have a name, I thought that simple naming was a rational course of action. But now, I realize... that dog was quite unfortunate..."
"Uh, okay! Well, it's nice to meet you, Itsuki!"
"I already suspected as much, but you really do not listen to what people say, do you!" Itsuki's displeasure was plain on his face.
That's right-- around this time, Itsuki still had very clear emotional reactions. While he was somewhat detached, he still expressed surprise and bewilderment that was befitting of someone his age.
At any rate, seeing him finally express his emotions, Minori clapped his hands together happily.
Snap.
"Hey, Itsuki," Minori said. He was playing piano in one of the recreation rooms.
Itsuki, leaning against a wall and fully engrossed in reading a book entitled "The Politics of East Asian Cuisine", did not so much as look up.
"Hey, Itsukiii."
At long last, he gave a reply. "Do you plan to keep calling me that name until I give you a response?"
Minori's face was happy as Itsuki's golden eyes met his. "It's just 'cause I don't want to call you #5. It makes you sound like a robot. Ooh, or do you want a different name? Maybe a super cool one?"
"This is a pain... well, whatever. Call me whatever you want."
"Itsuki, then!" said Minori. "Itsuki, is there anything you want to do outside?"
"There is not," said Itsuki. "In the first place, we can't go outside."
"But what if you could?"
"You are probably the only person in this facility who is optimistic enough to use phrases like 'what if you could', #6."
"I told you, I'm Minori. Miyama Minori. On three! One, two--"
Itsuki ignored Minori, who was waving his fingers like a conductor prompting him, and resumed turning the pages of his book. Minori continued to play the piano at a leisurely pace while they talked, peering at the cover of the book Itsuki was reading.
"Are you interested in that? Cooking, I mean," said Minori.
"Not especially," said Itsuki. "The staff regularly bring me books, but I'm not the one who chooses the genre. So just because I'm reading about it doesn't mean I'm particularly interested in cooking. And it's not like you could say that we're served food here, anyway."
"Ahhh, right, those colorful red and blue medicine-type thingies. I hate them. Even if they don't taste bad," said Minori.
"They provide all the nutrition we need," said Itsuki. "We grew up eating them."
"Even if they're nutritious, they're no fun. Aaaahhh, I want some karaage," Minori lamented. "And curry, and ramen, and omurice! But I want karaage most!"
Minori finished playing his piano piece.
Itsuki waited for the silence to settle in, then spoke. "You always play that song."
"Uh huh. It's actually a duet, y'know. I used to play it together with Kei-nii a lot. I wanted to play it in the competishon too, but it's actually supposed to be played by two people."
"I see."
"I love this song. To me, it's like the karaage of piano music!"
"... what, exactly, is 'the karaage of piano music'...?" Itsuki frowned, confused. He intuited that it probably meant something like my signature piece or my favorite, so he asked again. "Is it really that good?"
"What is?" said Minori.
"Is karaage really so delicious to the point that you can use it as a point of reference for things that you love?"
Minori blinked, then laughed. "If I was making a list of my favorite things," he said, "number one would be Kei-nii and number two would be karaage."
Itsuki put his fist to his chin in a thoughtful gesture. "Hold on," he said. "Even I find it strange to rank fried food directly next to your older brother..."
He closed his book and turned to look at Minori.
Snap.
"Hey, Itsuki," Minori said quietly, gently, holding Itsuki's sweaty hand. "If you don't want to call me Minori, then you can call me onii-chan."
Huff. Huff. Itsuki took several short, shallow breaths, his gaze shifting. Their eyes met in the darkness, illuminated only faintly by the nightlight. Minori wiped the sweat off of Itsuki's forehead, and Itsuki spoke.
"... I don't understand that at all. Why would I do that?"
"Well, y'know, I have an older brother," said Minori. "His name's Kei-nii. Miyama Kei."
"Yes, I have heard... many times."
"Having a big brother's amazing. Just having him around it makes you feel invincible. Just seeing his face makes my day brighter, and when he's next to me I feel warm, and when I hear his voice, I smile."
"None of the books I've ever read have explained anything like that," Itsuki said.
"Right?" said Minori. "So, starting today, I'll be your big brother, Itsuki. It's reassuring to have a brother. Even on really dark nights, I feel safe, even when my eyes are closed."
"It isn't as though I was having nightmares because I'm anxious or anything," protested Itsuki.
"Really?"
"It's a side effect of the medication that it causes sleep disturbances. The effects of a drug aren't going to change depending on whether or not you have siblings, and--"
"I think they do," said Minori. "I'd be able to endure it better if I had a brother around... that's what I think."
Even though the treatments administered to them were different, they were both still test subjects for the same thing. It would be no surprise if Minori were experiencing side effects as well. Even if Itsuki looked away, there would be nothing for his gaze to settle on in this dimly-lit room. His eyes drifted around aimlessly, but in the end, he ended up looking back at Minori.
"... I have a point of contention."
"Huh? What's up?"
"According to the physiological data that I remember," Itsuki said, "you and I are the same age. It would be ridiculous for you to assume that you would be the older brother."
"When's your birthday, Itsuki?"
"I don't know," said Itsuki. "I'm not interested in knowing... and I have no need to know."
"Then, since you're Itsuki... One, five... ... January fifth-- no, actually, let's go with January 15th. And I was born on October 10th, so I'm the older brother[5]. Alright!"
"H-hey, don't just arbitrarily decide what someone else's birthday is just because you want to pretend to be a big brother."
"But I've already got an older brother," said Minori. "And I don't have a younger brother, so I thought it'd be nice to have one."
"... you really are the type who doesn't have a filter, aren't you?" Itsuki sighed deeply. His ragged breathing had calmed down somewhat, though. He thought to himself that perhaps becoming exasperated wasn't a bad way to relax. "Do whatever you want. Older brother or younger brother, it makes no difference to me. ... I'm going back to sleep."
"Alright, then I'll sleep right here next to you. Goodnight, Itsuki."
"..."
"..."
"... ... I will grant you this," said Itsuki.
"Huh?"
"Being like this is..." said Itsuki. "... strangely, reassuring, in a way."
Minori's clasped grip on Itsuki's hand gradually loosened, but even so, their intertwined fingers did not separate. Before he knew it, his eyelids were falling closed.
Snap.
"My dream for the future is to become a firefighter."
"I have heard this before. I believe I replied, 'what, not a pianist?'."
"Did you?"
After lunch, Minori and Itsuki leaned against the wall of the white corridor as they talked. The path to the recreation room was closed off.
Itsuki looked at Minori standing beside him and tilted his head in mild confusion. "Why a firefighter? Even the impression I get from reading about it in books, it seems to be a very difficult and dangerous job."
"It's 'cause it's cool! It's the kind of job that seems really brave, I think. And firetrucks are super cool, too."
"So, those bright-red vehicles covered in pipes are considered cool in the outside world...? Well, I suppose I can see how they are highly functional."
"How about you, Itsuki? What's your dream for the future?" asked Minori.
"I've said it before: I do not have one. Nobody in this facility has anything like that, and our future has already been decided." Itsuki gazed pointedly down towards the end of the corridor.
Staff members in white jumpsuits were efficiently cleaning up room with the door open. The container that was carried away looked quite small to fit one person inside of it. With the final consequences of Phantometal experimentation in mind, it was easy to imagine in what state the child who lived in that room had ended up.
Minori quite deliberately avoided looking in that direction. This was not the first time since Minori had arrived at the facility that a child had been discarded. Considering how at first, he had screamed and cried, Itsuki had initially thought that he had become desensitized to it rather quickly; but he soon realized he was wrong when he saw how Minori's hands were trembling.
"Minori. I think you should go back to the room."
"I can't walk. My, legs, won't move."
"I see."
"So... please. Let's talk about the future. What we want to do when we get out of here. Think about that. ... please."
"Understood." Itsuki closed his eyes for a few moments. He recalled all of the books that he had read. Every page appeared vividly before his darkened eyelids, as though he had it printed out in front of him. This extraordinary memory of his was, apparently, an accidental side effect of the Phantometal experimentation. It was quite painful to have even his unpleasant memories retained in perfect detail, but filling his memories with his roommate's carefree smile made things a little bit better. Therefore, Itsuki wanted to make Minori smile, too.
"Perhaps being a chef would be a good idea."
"... a cook? Hey, that's a great idea!"
"From what I've read in books," said Itsuki, "recipes are meticulously designed. Utilizing chemical reactions, seasoning food to satisfy both the palate of the diner and also the needs of nutrition and preservation, and creating complex and profound dishes that can nonetheless be reproduced by following the steps of the recipe... I think I would be well suited to something like that."
"Yeah, I think you're right," said Minori. "And if you ever become a cook, you can make me some karaage!"
"Minori, you truly do love fried chicken."
Before too long at all, the room had been cleaned. The staff were still shuffling about; probably, they were trying to catch up on their work that had been delayed by the cleaning.
Then, the door to the room at the very end of the corridor opened. A boy walked down the passageway to the laboratory, far more heavily guarded than any of the other children ever were.
"Ah. It's Zero," said Itsuki, and Minori finally looked up and glanced over in that direction.
#0 was a boy with silver hair. His white hair and pale eyes, under the harsh white lights, made him look almost like Phantometal itself had taken human form. None of the other children exchanged very many words with Zero. The facility's greatest success story always received exceptional treatment. The children could easily imagine that the experimentation he underwent was exceptionally harsh in turn.
Perhaps that was why Zero seemed to be broken.
Not as a test subject, but as a human being. Whenever Itsuki spoke to Zero, he would respond at first immaturely, like a five- or six-year-old child; then, he would suddenly become mature, begin crying quietly, switch to an adult man's register, and then pivot to distinctly feminine tone of voice.
"I always wonder what's going on with Zero," said Minori.
"Mm. All we know is that he is experimented on far more frequently, and the level of metal brought into the lab is on another order of magnitude. It seems he's even able to use metal recovered from outside sources," said Itsuki.
"So I guess his experiments are way more difficult and painful than ours, huh?"
"Even so, I think that's probably the closest thing to what the adults here are aiming to achieve," said Itsuki. "It's the ideal that all of us should be striving for." The words that Itsuki spoke were borne of the fear that he, himself, was feeling.
Before he entered the laboratory, Zero suddenly turned to look at them. Minori and Itsuki both tensed up involuntarily.
Zero said nothing. He merely looked slightly sad, and then averted his gaze. It was unclear whether he was looking at Itsuki or at Minori.
Zero walked away on unsteady feet.
The laboratory door closed behind him, and the in use light flickered on.
Snap.
The acrid smell of disinfectant hit his nose.
"Now beginning the second-type load experiment with subject #6."
Every time he entered the laboratory -- every time he saw the bed covered in a plastic sheet, illuminated by densely-packed lights in the middle of that large room -- Minori's legs froze and he couldn't move. So, the staff carried him and laid him on the bed, then secured him down with thick belts.
The feeling of the bands digging into his skin through the thin hospital gown was painful, and Minori groaned.
His mouth was forced open with a device not unlike a dental mouth opener, and the metal object for that day's experiment was placed on his tongue. At once, a phantom appeared. It looked like a distorted spiral staircase, but when it first formed, it almost looked like piano keys. The staff took careful notes on every change in the illusion.
He heard the sound of metal clinking. They were preparing to handle something that had been placed on a tray on a cart nearby. When Minori realized that it was a needle, he tried to say no, no, but because his mouth was being forced open, he could only manage a growling sound.
The needle was inserted into the tube connected to an IV drip. Minori's right arm was bound with a thick band of rubber, and a sharp sensation pierced through the thin skin on the inside of his elbow. Minori hated injections, but there were already countless bruises on his arm. His left am had already been used to the point that they had to switch to his right; it seemed that after this, they would switch to using his legs.
"Beginning intravenous administration of microparticulated metal. Increase the dosage while monitoring any changes in compatibility. Be extremely careful not to exceed the limit of natural excretion. And don't ruin the sample again."
Minori could feel the foreign substance mixing with the blood coursing through his body. Ever since coming to this facility, Minori had been eating the food here, breathing the air here, and having these chemicals administered to him here.
According to Itsuki, the human body metabolizes a lot of things. If he kept putting this facility's things inside him like this, could he still be considered the same person that he was before he came here? ... Minori worried about that.
Once the administration was complete, the staff brought in another device. Minori shook his head frantically. He could never forget how painful that device was. No, no, no, no. The staff member attached two pads to Minori's skin and flipped the switch.
Snap.
"... hahh!! Ahhn..."
"It's okay Itsuki... It's okay..."
In the dark room, Itsuki's hands clung weakly to Minori. Since there was no clock in their room, the only sense of the time was that it was the middle of the night.
That day, Itsuki had been acting strangely ever since he returned from the laboratory. Minori knew at once that he had probably been exposed to another experiment-- because he, himself, had been in the same situation.
It seemed to him that Itsuki's eyes weren't focused. His wide-open eyes seemed to be seeing not the darkness of the room around them, but hallucinations, well after the experiment had finished.
From the moment Minori arrived here, he knew that Itsuki had an excellent memory, but it took him some time to realize that it was too good. Itsuki had the ability to vividly remember every single thing he saw and experienced. Apparently, this was a side effect of the metal experimentation. Itsuki's memory grew stronger and stronger with each experiment, and in proportion with that, Itsuki's sleepless nights grew more and more numerous. The smell of disinfectant, the faces of the adults, the sight of his fellow children being discarded-- all of those things came back to him vividly whenever he closed his eyes, and so, his suffering never ended.
"... it's okay. It's okay." In the darkness that surrounded Itsuki, countless painful memories flashed right before his eyes. As if trying to protect him from that terrifying darkness, Minori cradled Itsuki's head against his chest. He spoke gently and softly. "I'm right here, Itsuki." Whenever Minori was trying to comfort the suffering Itsuki, he always thought of Kei.
"Oniichan is here, so everything's going to be okay."
His voice was a little bit like Kei's. He wanted to believe that Kei would say the same thing to him. Itsuki gripped Minori's clothes tightly, and his wide-open eyes fell upon Minori's face.
"You're not gonna be able to sleep unless you close your eyes, Itsuki."
"It's fine. I won't be able to sleep anyway. So let me remember." Itsuki's voice was trembling. "I don't want to only have painful memories. Let me have memories of you in between them. Let me remember your face, your voice. The warmth, the security... let me remember that, everything will be okay, as long as I have my brother..."
"Yeah. Let's spend more time together than we do in the experiments. Let's make more happy memories."
Now that I think about it, how long has it been since I got here?
It still wasn't as much time as he had spent with Kei. But what would happen if the memories of suffering that he experienced here became greater than the memories of Kei?
"... Nii, san."
Itsuki's voice sounded very, very faint.
Minori lightly slapped his own cheek to chase away that terrible thought, and he hugged Itsuki tightly.
Snap.
"Start of recording. ... we are at last getting satisfactory data on the trap reaction. Ultimately, it seems that the problem was that we lacked a sufficient sample size for responses that depend on the subject's experience of trauma, since the subjects were only familiar with the environment within the facility."
He could hear the voices of staff.
"But I think we can safely say that we have found a solution to this problem. Inflicting pain on the subject was straightforward, but effective. If there is no trauma, it need only be created."
Minori tried to twist his sweaty body, but the restraints around him prevented him from moving much at all. Whenever he tensed his muscles, he felt a pain so intense it felt as though he were being stabbed with needles. His skin tingled in the areas where the electric current had been administered, including his upper arms and thighs.
"As per the data, the areas of activation within the brain that react to the metal have expanded significantly. #6 still has plenty of room for improvement. What a relief. We'll be able to note down some good results in our regular report."
The man who was leading the experiment on Minori was speaking in a quite excited voice. The staff members who were assisting him were smiling as well.
"Alright. This time, let's restrict his breathing a bit."
Compared to the staff who looked after them in the living quarters, Minori couldn't envision the staff in the laboratory as being human at all. They always rambled off with words he didn't understand and inflicted incredible pain on him without a hint of remorse. Their eyes were like those of an insect, devoid of all emotion.
"By limiting the amount of oxygen that the brain receives, we can deliberately lower the level of consciousness and observe the resultant illusions. The fact that it also inflicts pain makes it very efficient."
A device was attached that covered his mouth and his nose. Liquid began to flow in. Water. Minori tried to writhe. In an instant, water had covered his nose and mouth, and all of his breath escaped as bubbles. As he struggled to breathe, his right arm was held down with surprising strength. Something sharp touched his skin, and Minori's body went stiff.
His scream turned into bubbles and dissipated into the water.
"The piercing-type metals aren't that bad to use. It's quite convenient that they also react to blood."
With his vision fading fast due to lack of oxygen, the phantoms flickered around. A piercing suddenly jabbed through his skin.
Snap.
"Start of recording. #6 is progressing smoothly. We have been able to logically deduce that the changes in the phantom occurred as trauma was inflicted upon the subject. We will continue to monitor the reaction with the metal by applying stress to the subject."
He had been in pain since well before the actual test begun. There were testing devices attached to all of the fingers on both of his hands. His fingers were sore -- not because of the equipment, but because of the tattoos that he had been given every day. At first, the markings had been written with a pen to take note of the equipment used, but they pivoted to the tattoos for their effectiveness.
"Today we will conduct a pain simulation experiment using a new type of electric pulse transmitter. Please do not mix up the markings on the specimen and the connecting device. Alright, then, let's begin the pulse oscillation."
At once, a sharp pain shot through Minori's arm. The pain itself felt sharp -- like being cut with a metal blade, and it was so intense that Minori screamed aloud. He clenched his teeth around the plastic tube that had been forced into his mouth.
"Turn up the intensity. Pay attention to the subject's level of consciousness."
The pain got worse. It felt like a red-hot nail had been driven into his arm. A searing pain spread through his muscles, and a dull ache began to gnaw at his bones, going up his arm to his shoulder, and then continuing past his shoulder. It felt like he had been stabbed with a metal piercing needle, but he couldn't even make sense of the pain anymore.
Snap. His consciousness and the pain completely evaporated.
Snap. He woke up. His whole body hurt. He couldn't take it anymore.
"... shock was successful. Consciousness levels have been restored. ... you dumbass, what good does it do if you're going to knock him unconscious? Pay attention to the brainwaves at all times while stimulating the pain receptors. We'll have to start over."
Minori cried out in despair. The worker's hand touched the switch of the device again. No. No no no.
Snap.
"Start of recording... the form of the phantom does indeed seem to be deteriorating. This seems to be linked to a decline in cognitive and memory ability caused by the metal erosion. Recovery is unlikely from this point. That aid, electroencephalogram measurements indicate that the brain's active area itself is still expanding. Pulse oscillation started."
Snap. It hurts. He bites down on the plastic tube. He makes a grinding sound as he chews straight through the plastic. The shards hurt his mouth and cheek. Snap. [6]
"As his cognitive and memory abilities continue to decline, #6's physical capabilities improve."
He thrashes wildly. Is the belt sturdier than it was before? It becomes just a thing, digging in and drawing blood every time he tries to thrash. When he pulls, the bed's metal fittings give way before the belt does.
"We suspect that the influence of the metal has caused some kind of limiter in the brain to be released. It seems to be a primitive, animalistic function... a sort of function, that the human brain possessed before evolution rendered it obsolete, seems to be being unleashed. We observe accordant infantile regression in #6's personality as well."
Several of the staff members have to hold him down, put the mmmmmmmmetal shackles back on him, and one after another the belts were fastened, snap snap snap. No no no no no nonononono
"In a sense, it seems to be a return to a purer state of being as a living thing... this, too, is one of the capabilities of the metal. To be frank, this is rather unexpected, but this is hardly a problem..."
Where does it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurts i don't knooooooooow anymore, boiling tears, stinging eyes, clack clack clack the sound of machines moving what is the Staff Member doing doing doing doing
IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS
Snap.
Minori realized that he was the one who broke his own bed.
When he got back from the laboratory, Itsuki asked, "are you okay?", so he just replied, I'm fiiiine~ and lay down.
And a while after that, the trap reaction started.
All of the horrible things that had happened in the laboratory came flooding back to Minori all at once, and he flew into a rage.
Itsuki tried to stop him, but... Itsuki??? Was suddenly pushed away from him, slumped up against a wall.
The memory of the electric shocks and the piercings came all at once.
Minori hit the bed. Snap.
Minori hit the wall. Snap.
Minori hit Minori. Snap. Snap. Snap!
It hurts. It hurts. Being hit hurts. It's painful. It's unbearable
He wondered the entire time why is it like this
He desperately waited for the time to pass
He could only think about horrible memories
Sna--. Sna--. He was going crazy. He didn't want to think about this
He started thinking about Kei-nii . About Kei-nii . He wanted to be with Kei- nii. He wanted Kei-nii to help him. Why woul dn't he come t o see hi m? Kei-nii. Kei-nii's . Kei- ni i ' s
He reali z e d
H e d id n 't k no w w h a t Ke i-ni i 's fa ce look ed li k e
If he didn't know that then who was he? There's no way that Miyama Minori would ever forget about Kei-nii . But Kei-nii isn't here
So who am I?
I'm not Minori . I must be #6 because Minori wouldn't get separated from Kei-nii . That would never happen
Thinking that, he felt relieved.
He could see all kinds of things . In the far distance there were two children
Ke -nii and Mi ri were running hand in hand, sticking close together
That was good
Mi ri was going home
The two of them began to run and a white light began to shine out of the distance
They went
together
He could see
them go
together
Miyama Mi ri was
sorr
Snap.
――――
――――.......
My first memory was of being held and of Itsuki-nii crying. The room was broken into pieces, and somehow, I knew that it was my fault. But I couldn't remember anything. It was like I had just been born.
" , are you awake?"
I frowned involuntarily.
" ?"
I couldn't explain why, but I hated being called that.
Itsuki-nii continued to call me for a while, and when he realized that I didn't know what he meant, that I hated it, Itsuki-nii looked sad. So very, very sad.
Itsuki-nii's really smart, so I guess were a lot of things he understood just by looking at me.
"... I see."
Itsuki-nii closed his eyes for a while, then opened them.
"... you're #6, so then... Rokuta. You're Rokuta."
"Yeah! I'm Rokuta!"
"... ahaha. You're one up on me. I thought you said this naming thing was easy."
"What about you, then onii-chan[7]? Who're you?"
"... th... I..."
All at once, Itsuki-nii began to sob. Tears streamed down from his golden eyes that shone like the moon.
"I'm... I'm Itsuki."
"Itsuki? Who's Itsuki-nii, then? What kinda person are you?"
"I... I'm... I..."
He hugged me very tightly. Itsuki-nii's arms and chest were very warm, and I felt very safe.
"I'm... your older brother. Rokuta, I'm your older brother."
"Older brother? Mine!? Yay!! That's great, I have a big brother!!"
"Yes, you do. So... it's okay. Your big brother is here, -- ... Rokuta, so, you can relax."
"Ahaha! Itsuki-nii! Itsuki-nii!"
Now that I think abut it, Itsuki-nii was crying a little strangely.
There were tears streaming down his face, but his expression stayed so serious-- though now that I think about it, I haven't seen Itsuki-nii cry lately.
Suddenly, a voice echoed in the room.
"#5, your experiment will be commencing in 10 minutes. Please make all necessary preparations."
The voice, mixed together with the machine noise, was extremely unpleasant.
But even though the voice told him to prepare, Itsuki-nii held me tightly until the very last moment.
"Rokuta. You're not the only one. I'll probably break sooner than later."
"Huh?"
"I can tell that I'm losing a part of myself. I can feel joy and sadness, but those emotions feel strangely... distant. I think my brain is trying to protect me from the pain in reaction to the metal."
"Whaddaya mean, Itsuki-nii? I don't understand what you're talking about."
"But... in exchange, my eyes can see the world in perfect resolution. My memory never forgets a single thing I see or hear. So... that's why."
The door to the room opened. Itsuki-nii left the room, escorted by staff members in white uniforms.
"Rokuta," Itsuki said, just before he left. "... it's okay. I won't forget. Not about , and not about Rokuta. Even if I never feel joy or sadness again, I'll never forget the days I spent with you. That you're important to me. Even if you forget everything. I'll be sure to remember it all."
Before the door closed, I could just barely make out him smiling through the open gap.
"So it's okay, Rokuta. You have your brother."
That was definitely the last time I -- Rokuta -- ever saw Itsuki-nii's smile.
I remember how cold the air of the night was.
A lot of stuff started happening at the facility all at once, and then before I knew it, I was outside with Itsuki-nii.
Passing cars, and children playing, and music echoing from the city. I could hear all kinds of sounds. My voice and the sound of my footsteps seemed to float away far into the distance. I realized that this world without walls or ceilings stretched on forever.
Even just breathing felt refreshing. The cold night breeze was a little bit dusty, and it had a subtle, damp smell. I smelled grass and dirt for the first time. But for some reason, it felt strangely nostalgic.
Itsuki-nii had a small card, which he used to buy us food at a convenience store. Because of all we'd been through, we'd been given an allowance out of some account or something.
The karaage was super yummy. It was the first time I'd ever tried it but it became my favorite food immediately.
Apparently, we could've gone to a different facility, but we didn't want to be controlled by anyone anymore, so we decided to just take the money and set off on our own. After that, we first stayed at an internet cafe, but I was super noisy so then we couldn't use it anymore. But Itsuki-nii didn't get mad at me. He looked like he had a lot on his mind, but when I smiled, he patted me on the head.
I thought the rain felt nice, but Itsuki-nii said he was gonna catch a cold (what's a cold?), so we found a place with a roof over it and we slept huddled together. Even though the night was a little bit chilly, I was with Itsuki-nii, so I felt warm. Even with the wind blowing and the sand getting all on me, I liked the time I was spending outside so much more than I ever enjoyed our time at that facility.
I woke up with the sun and slept under the protection of the moon's watchful eye.
Both morning and night were all ours. Just thinking about that made me super happy, and I felt like running all around. Or, I guess, it'd be more accurate to say I did run around. Itsuki-nii was really out of breath. I enjoyed seeing all the people and all the buildings, but it seemed like it was kinda an overwhelming amount of information all around us for Itsuki-nii.
After that, we had a lot of trouble, but we always supported each other and kept on living.
Then, one night, we found a big piano.
It was a street piano. At first, I was really surprised to hear piano music right in the middle of town.
But it said that anyone could play it, so I gave it a try.
I didn't need any sheet music. My fingers seemed to dance all on their own; I was able to play the piano. I didn't know why, but it was like my body -- which couldn't remember anything else -- had been holding onto the memory of these notes for all this time.
Everyone praised me a whole lot. Even strangers stopped to listen, and they said they liked the music. Some of them even gave us money. Just by playing the piano, I was able to connect with a bunch of people. And more than anything, I was really happy when people praised my music.
And that's when I first realized that music can make people smile.
Whenever I had some free time, I played the piano.
I'd sleep, then wake up, then eat some karaage, then I'd wait my turn and play the piano.
Itsuki-nii was always by my side. When I played the piano, people gathered around me. I think I was having a really good time during those days. I guess I just really liked playing the piano.
And, something really weird happened. Whenever I played that song -- that song whose name I didn't even know -- it was like my mind and body were suddenly really relaxed. It was like the melody was filling up some void in my heart that had been really empty before. The music seeped away into the wind and dissolved in the air and drifted all around. Its resonant sound was like a gentle caress. That's why I liked playing the piano so much.
My fingers moved without hesitation, as naturally as I knew how to breathe, as naturally as I knew how to stand and walk. I always knew exactly what key to press to make the sound I wanted.
And then... that day happened. I was playing my favorite song that day.
A golden light shone through from beyond the buildings shrouded in shadow.
"--- I'm sorry--"
The sky burned crimson from the direction of the city, and the color gradually faded into the translucent navy blue of the space beyond.
The smell of the wind; the sound of distant cars; the laughter of children. The shadows cast across the road stretched long, and when they finally engulf everything, night would fall once again.
And then, before I knew it, in a scene surrounded by a crowd, that moment arrived.
"-- excuse me, please, let me through. I have to get through to the front--"
I could hear a voice that came from a world filled with music.
" !"
"Huh...?"
" ri! ... Mino !"
The missing sounds fell into place, and when I looked back, there he was.
"Minori!!"
His pale hair, almost translucent in the light, shone like the sun.
And that's how I met Kei-chan.
The first time I saw Kei-chan, his face was a mess of tears. But, strangely, it still felt warm. Itsuki-nii and I were surprised, and we exchanged looks. We were confused, but we weren't scared.
And then... ah. I guess the dream's about to end.
A white light flickered, and I could hear the birds singing. It was almost time to open my eyes. Three, two, one...
... click.
I woke up, and I was bathed in the light.
The curtains were a little bit ajar, and it was like the sun was shining directly on me.
It was unusual for me to wake up before Itsuki-nii did, so I was really excited. The futon was a little bit damp with sweat, so I guess I had a bad dream, but by the time I woke up I'd forgotten about it.
I quietly got out of bed, and sneakily changed into my clothes so I wouldn't wake anyone else up, and then I went out into the morning streets. I felt a little bit guilty going out without telling Kei-chan or Itsuki-nii, but it was also kinda fun. And today, I wanted to see the world all by myself.
The sun was still low in the sky. The early morning scenery was soft, and the wind was very clear, and the whole world still felt like it was half-asleep. Because it had rained yesterday, there were a bunch of puddles everywhere in the dips in the asphalt. They reflected the world around them like little mirrors, so they looked like little fragments of the sky that had fallen down to earth.
When my sneakers tapped against the ground, the sound of my footsteps felt a little clearer than normal. I heard a bell ringing from somewhere down the street, and then a red bicycle rushed by me. Then, I heard a high-pitched whining, and a dog on a leash passed me by, too. The city slowly started to wake up, and the various sounds began to meld into each other. The sounds all being played by the people who lived there, each going about life their own way, combined to form their own orchestra that marked the start of the new day. As the sound grew more lively, the morning sun got brighter, too.
I felt a real sense of happiness, and I pushed off the ground and started running. I ran faster and faster. The scenery flew past me. The colors of the city began to blur together in my vision, and the pure white void took on a bunch of colors.
I jogged back towards our house, then did a big loop around the street, and then returned back to our house.
I think because my body is accustomed to the morning, it wants to run some more. I crossed from the entrance of our house back to the other side of the street.
How far should I go this time? I thought, and right as I did, I passed by a child who was running by me in the other direction.
They had hair that was the pale pink color of cherry blossoms. I didn't see their face very well, but they seemed almost like me-- and yet something was different about them. For some reason, I felt really drawn to them, so I stopped and looked back.
But they were nowhere to be found. I felt a weird sense of loneliness, and I started slowly walking back the way I had come, looking for them. But on the way, I made eye contact with Kei-chan and Itsuki-nii, who were just now coming out of the house.
They were both still in their pajamas; Kei-chan's hair was all messed up with bedhead, and Itsuki-nii was wearing his usual coat but it was inside-out. They must have come outside in a panic when they noticed I was gone. I felt a little bit embarrassed, but when I saw them, more than anything, I just felt happy.
I started running again, straight at them. I leapt at them with a smile on my face, hugging them both tightly.
"Where have you been?" Kei-chan said with furrowed eyebrows.
Itsuki groaned, "that hurts."
They were both worrying way too much. Unlike Kei-chan, I don't get lost easy. I know exactly how to get home.
But I guess maybe I shouldn't have left without saying anything. So, instead of saying "good morning!" like usual, this was the first thing I said today:
"I'm home!"
And I hear the sound that I love the most coming from the mouths of the two people that I love the most.
And that's how my day as Rokuta begins.
[0] This sound effect, ぱちん, shows up a lot in this novel chapter in a lot of contexts. I've chosen to translate it as snap because I think it has the best dramatic effect, but what it means is literally like a snapping, clicking, or even clapping noise. [Back]
[1] See here. [Back]
[2] Fire Rescue Task Forces, or Hyper Rescue, are a real specialty fire force in Japan. [Back]
[3] Schumann's Kinderszenen, Op. 15, movement 7 (Träumerei). This was also referenced by name in TCW's chapter of MEMORY! [Back]
[4] I've said this before, and this is obvious if you know Japanese, but just in case you're unaware: this is derived from 'itsu' being one reading of the number 5 in Japanese. It's important to note that their number designations are given as numerals, but Rokuta specifically spells out in katakana, "#6" is pronounced "six", as in English. [Back]
[5] This isn't a mistake, he's just using a system of accounting for birthdays that starts from spring and ends in winter, so a birthday in the fall comes before one in the winter regardless of the calendar month. [Back]
[6] Starting here through the next scene, all of Minori's narration is written with katakana replacing words that would ordinarily be written with kanji. [Back]
[7] This is always confusing to translate into English, but remember: you can call people whose name you don't know onii-san in Japanese, so the dissonance is that Rokuta is saying it to mean "boy I don't know" and Itsuki is taking it as "brother". [Back]