[onscreen text: In the midst of Phantom Lives facing an existential crisis, a new team appeared by the name of ILLGATOR.
They made an unprecedented move to participate, but what are their unfathomable motives?]

[sfx: crowd chatter inside of a club; a man saying "Cheers! Good work today!"; laughter; etc]
[sfx: pages of a book turning; Akito half-hums, half-sighs; footsteps approach]
Noah: Yo. Akito. [taking a seat next to Akito] What's that book you're reading?
Akito: Please hold on just a moment--
Noah: [stealing Akito's book, flipping through it] Hm. What's this crap? It's just full of a bunch of numbers and formulas. Booooring. [putting Akito's book down roughly on the table]
Akito: I don't think it's boring at all. It's about a statistical analysis of human emotion. It's quite the interesting paper.
Noah: Pfft. You ask me, you're more 'interesting' than any of that, sitting around and reading a book all dignified in this club with shitty security.
Akito: Is that so? Well, I'm flattered. Incidentally, wasn't our proposed meeting time an hour ago-- or was I mistaken in thinking that?
Noah: Don't get hung up on the details. I had some extremely important business I had to take care of before I got here.
Akito: That being?
Noah: Do you even have to ask? Special-edition Panchom-chan merchandise.
Akito: ...?
Noah: Don't act like you don't know. The mascot character that's all the rage right now, the red panda, Panchom-chan! Her^[1] merch always sells out immediately. It all goes for tens of thousands of yen on reseller sites. There was a massive line outside the merch shop today too!
Akito: My, my, that's some serious passion! I can really feel your love for Panchom.
Noah: [leaning in] It's Panchom-chan. Don't leave the -chan off her name. Asshole.
Akito: [laughs] My apologies. You're really invested in this, aren't you? Well, I'm starting to become interested in Panchom-chan as well.
Noah: The fuck you are. You're just doing that fake-ass mirroring thing again. [leaning back] Anyway, where's Meno? Isn't she supposed to be here already?
Akito: Ah, she's not here yet. She's very rarely on time, so I don't find it terribly surprising that sh--
Meno: [with trinkets jangling] Sorryyyyyy I'm laaaate!!
Akito: Well, speak of the devil. You're quite late. I was worried.
Meno: No but like I was 100% sure I was gonna be here on time today? And like I left SUPER early, like 30 minutes before I originally plannned to, buuut I was watching a video on my phone while I was on the train so I totally overshot my stop, and then like, immediately, I was at the last stop?? I dunno why I'm like this, I need to lock iiiin...
Akito: It's alright. Don't worry about it. Noah-kun just got here as well.
Meno: ... eh? So you were just sitting here all alone the entire time, Akito? ... Lmaooo.
Akito: Mm. Well, Noah-kun, now that everyone's here, could you kindly tell us why you wanted us to come here today?
Meno: Ooh, right~! What's up? You said you had something SUUUPER important to tell us, so what is it?
Noah: Man, you two are so impatient. Well. This is about what we do going forward, so you'd better listen good. [leaning in] We were approved to participate in the Paradox Live -LIVE FOR the TRUTH- as ILLGATOR.
Akito and Meno: --!
Meno: ARE YOU FOR REAL!?! WE ACTUALLY MADE IT~! SWEET!!!!!
Akito: Considering that ILLGATOR only so recently formed, I was quite certain we would be turned away at the proverbial door. Noah-kun, what manner of dirty trick did you pull on them?
Noah: I didn't do nothing? Not in particular. I just took our demo tape to Shura from Buraikan and asked him pretty pretty please with sugar on top, that's all. ... well, I guess we did have a suuuper fun conversation about some other stuff while I was there.
Akito: Hmm? ... I see. You spoke about him, then?
Noah: Well, they do say that when you need something to get done, you can even use your parents^[2], right? ... not that I've thought of him as a parent a single time.
Akito: Hm.
Meno: ... uhhh, what are you guys talking about? AND ALSO WHY ARE YOU BOTH SO CALM?? I mean, this is THE Paradox Live! We get to perform at the CLUB Paradox! I'm LITERALLY so happy my eyes are about to pop right out of my head!?! All the teams competing in LIVE FOR the TRUTH are like, super strong, y'know~? We're gonna be totally surrounded by these super popular teams and everyone's gonna think we're just some poor underdog nobodies without a chance. And I bet everyone's gonna be suuuper dismissive of us, and be like, "oh, who do these losers think they are?", BUT THEN!!! We're gonna use our music to beat those snobs to DEATH!! Aahh, this is just too AWESOME~!!!
Akito: My, my, Meno-kun, you certainly are honest and innocent, aren't you? I do hope that you remain ever as you are, untainted by mattters of Machiavellian finesse^[3].
Meno: ... Makkavelly what now?
Noah: Don't worry about it. Akito just likes using big words.
Meno: Ohhhhhhhhh I get it! Like a teenage edgelord^[4], right?
Akito: Absolutely not. At any rate, I am pleased that we were able to infiltrate the competition. It seemed that Teshigawara is quite nervous about LIVE FOR the TRUTH.
Meno: Ughhhh, who gives a fuck about Teshigawara? It's soooo obvi that he looks down on us, it's SUCH a pain in the ass.
Noah: Well, what can you do about it? Your daddy's telling you to play nice.
Meno: I mean YEAH, but like... ... okay let's talk about something more fun now!! Like, for example... what rival team're you most interested in~?
Akito: Hm... I'd say I am interested in 1Nm8. I suppose it's because I find it quite unexpected that they are active as phantom rappers.
Meno: What about it?
Akito: 1Nm8's Itsuki-kun and Rokuta-kun were at the research laboratory where I used to work.
Noah: Ah, you mean that fucked-up lab that was using kids' bodies to conduct human experiments with Phantometal? That place?
Akito: How terrible. It sounds very bad when you put it that way. I had nothing to do with any of the experiments done to those children. ... But, I am aware of those individuals. I hear that they are still suffering to this day as a result of those terrible acts. It's terribly sad.
Noah: Pfft. Sure.
Meno: Hmm... but on that subject, how about TCW's Natsume Ryu? Isn't he also one of the kids from that place you worked, Akito?
Akito: Yes, yes, that's correct! You know quite a bit, don't you, Meno-kun? It seems you really did read through the background information that Teshigawara gave you, didn't you? To tell the truth, Natsume Ryu-kun is quite the special individual. Especially to me! [becoming gradually more excited and breathless] You see, if it weren't for him, I'm quite certain I would have lost my life a long time ago; and moreover, I never would have stumbled upon such a fascinating research topic!! [deep breath] I've been wanting to share this with him for some time, so I am quite happy that it seems that we will be able to meet again soon~.
Meno: Whoaaaa, the vibes got SUPER rancid for a second there.
Noah: It's seriously fucking gross, right? ... ah. Right. Meno. How about the track?
Meno: Huh?
Noah: Don't "huh?" me. The track for our new song. You told me you had it ready, didn't you?
Meno: Oh, yeah, yup yup yup yeah yeah! The idea came to me last night like BAM! [digging for her phone] I've got the audio file on my phone, so I'm SUPER interested to see what the two of you think~ ... Eh, where's my phone...? Ahhh... ... ahahah! Here it is!
[sfx: crowd cheering]
MC: Hey yo, what's up, man? You guys feeling hyped!?
[sfx: crowd yelling]
Meno: Oh, dammit. Looks like some kinda event's starting. My timing suuuuucks.
Akito: To be frank, I'm not certain that we could properly give our feedback on the track in such a noisy club. Perhaps we should seek a different venue?
Noah: [clicking tongue, laughing] No way. We're already here, anyway. Let's just "borrow" those high-end speakers they've got on stage. [clink]
Meno: "Borrow"? ... eh, Noah, what're you doing??
Akito: [cheerfully] Judging by the fact that he took a bottle of sake with him, I can't imagine he has good intentions.
[sfx: Crowd cheering, Noah walking up]
Crowd Member A: Eh? Who's that?
Noah: Hmm.
Crowd Member B: You ever seen this guy before...?
Noah: Oi!! What's with all this dull-ass noise you're making? You're gonna make my ears rot and fall off.
MC: Hah?! You got a pretty big mouth on you, don't you? Back off before I beat--
[sfx: Noah smashing the bottle over the MC's head, screech of mic feedback]
[sfx: crowd members screaming]
Noah: Whoopsies. His head was accidentally right where I was swinging, so it looks like he got hit preeeetty hard.
[sfx: crowd panicking]
Noah: [through the mic] Soooo, I'm sorry to interrupt a crowd right in the middle of all your cheering and yelling. Sure looks like you're having a real fun time! But starting now, this place belongs to us. So unless you want to get your fucking brains bashed in like the last guy, get lost.
[sfx: crowd chatter; "I'm going, I'm going!", "Are you for real?", "No fucking way!"]
Meno: Ahhh, everyone's taking it sooo seriously. Poor things. But also, like, can we please not get arrested???
Akito: I wouldn't worry about it. This place has a pretty shady reputation, so I doubt they'll want to get the police involved.
Meno: Hm. Big if true, but...
[sfx: door closing]
Noah: Hah. Why'd everyone just take their ball and run away home? I was counting on at least one of them trying to come and take a swing at me.
Akito: Humans do tend to be quite weak in the face of unexpected situations, don't they? Even the slightest disruption of the expected order can quickly lead to a terrible panic. As you have just neatly demonstrated.
Noah: [laughs] Fucking lame. The very same guys talking a lot of big game in an illegal club can't hack it.
Akito: Noah-kun, please do not do anything excessively reckless. Remember that, biologically speaking, you are substantially more fragile than the typical human.
Noah: [clicks tongue] Yeah, yeah, Doctor-sama. Hey! Meno! Speaker's free.
Meno: You don't have to keep up the big tough-guy bit with me, y'know...! [hauling herself up onto the stage] Alrighty, then~! The best earth-shaking sound on the best speakers, noooow playing! [pressing play]
[bgm: ILLGATOR's "boring." instrumental]
Noah: Ain't bad.
Meno: OMG, for real!?? I'm sooo happy~!! A straightforward shot: direct hit!!!
Akito: Yes. I think it's quite good as well.
Meno: Ah, and it seems like Akito likes it, too~!

[sfx: Meno's trinkets clattering]
Meno: Guess it's starting, huh? Our first and last battle.
Noah: Mm. I'm not thrilled about being taken advantage of by that old man, though.
Meno: Yeah... well, unlike everyone else, I'm not that smart, so I'm not 100% on what Papa's plans are or what Teshigawara's trying to do here.
Noah: Mm.
Meno: But I do like Phantom Lives. I'm happiest when I can just let loose with all my feelings and just say everything I want, like, "fuck you, you're gross, go die and rot!" without caring what anyone else thinks. And if doing the Phantom Lives that I love means I'm able to help Papa, then I'm even happier. ♡
Akito: Your fixation on that individual is truly something else. It is truly an emotion I could never conceive of experiencing.
Meno: Cram it!! I'm not gonna let you rain on my emotional parade, Zombie-Boy. Papa is my god, after all.
Akito: 'Zombie'? What a truly cruel thing to call someone. Even if it is true that I have died once before. However, I think I can understand your feelings of excitement for LIVE FOR the TRUTH.
Meno: You really think?
Akito: I really think, yes. These are the artists leading the charge at the forefront of Phantom Lives. I wonder what sadness, what anger, and what love are etched into their metals? Ah...! My heart races at the thought. I can't wait to see you, my adorable little guinea pigs.
Meno: That is, like, not what I was talking about at all?? Whatever, guess I'm just ever gonna understand you, Akito.
Noah: [exhale] There's no point in trying to understand each other at all, is there?
Meno: Eh?
Noah: We're just a mismatched team that's been slammed together haphazardly, after all. Our backgrounds, upbringings-- even our ways of thinking are completely different. But only when we're doing Phantom Lives... we mix together.
Meno: Hm.
Noah: "Understanding" and "harmony" are absolute fucking nonsense. What I'm looking for is chaos. Hopes, dreams, the future... heh. All that shit is so disgusting it makes me wanna vomit. There's no better entertainment than watching other peoples' faces distort. What kind of utter helplessness will people who've lived their lives in the light show us when they're finally faced with inescapable despair? [laughs] I'm looking forward to it!!
Akito: My, what a warped worldview you have.
Meno: But Meno and Akito are right there with him!
[sfx: Meno begins to laugh, joined after a moment by Akito and Noah]
Noah: Well then. Let's play until we die.

[1] Obviously this mascot character's gender is unknown and I'm just picking a pronoun for the best effect. [Back]
[2] As far as I can tell, this is a take on the proverb 立っている者は親でも使え ("If they're standing, then even a parent can be of use") which means that when you need something done urgently, just go ahead and ask whoever happens to be available, even if it would be someone you shouldn't boss around (like a parent). In other words: use whatever resources you have available to you. [Back]
[3] This is 権謀術数, a four-kanji compound, a specific form of idiomatic language, and I cannot for the life of me explain these in a concise way except "absolute nightmares to translate". [Back]
[4] I often leave this word as "chuunibyou", but I think it's funnier in context to translate it this way. If you're not familiar, "chuunibyou" -- or 'second-year-of-junior-high-school syndrome', and "chuuni" for short -- is a very popular trope that I don't have time/space to explain, canon material has also called Kenta one, and it basically just means "teenage edgelord". [Back]